Stuff and Things and Misc.

Just for a bit of fun, and non-seriousness... Here are some random everyday things about me/us/going-ons. 

Toby is now more established on solids. He isn't a massive eater, but here are some things he's tried:

carrots, pumpkin, kumara (sweet potato), avocado, peas, corn, chicken, beef, pork, apple, pear, nectarine, peach, banana, prune, apricot, pasta, rice, oats, egg, custard, zuchinni (or courgettes), capsicum, spinach, broccoli, etc... sounds like a lot when I list it out... 

Toby has a sock monkey that he has to have to go to bed, along with his thumb. It is super cute but also means we have to make sure Socks is around. Now we have two. Thankfully Socks is a Beanie Baby and we found another him on ebay- yay for mass produced toys! 

I got a new USB drive for our photos the other day. Okay for Toby's photos really. I'm paranoid that our computer will crash and we'll lose them. Especially after losing our Christmas photos as I left my camera at the beach when we were on holiday- painful. I started loading them yesterday but I realised that just from 2011 (he was born in July), we already have 6GB of photos! Ridiculous. I mean, given I haven't really gone through properly and deleted the crappy ones... that's still a lot of photos. And I only got a 16GB thingy. 

Camera suggesions anyone? Just a basic easy-peasy kinda one. 

(This is Toby as a 'baa-baa black sheep' but it didn't really turn out great as he kept moving. Fair enough. I'm still proud of my other work where I made him look like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!)

Tomorrow I'm going to get a manicure with my friend C. The husband got me a voucher for Christmas and I'm excited to be using it. Plus I haven't hung out with her for ages and it is much needed. (Only bummer is on Monday I couldn't remember why I had such long nails, as I usually keep them short, so I snipped them all off. Then right after that I realised I was keeping them long for the manicure appointment so they could trim them nicely and so maybe I could maybe get French-tipped ones... OH WELL.)

You know how I like to shop? Well since becoming a mom I've lost all ability to think when I'm in a mall. I think I have so much pent-up shoppingness that when I get to do it, I just don't know where to start. Probably a good thing for everybody. 

The other morning I used my husband's toothbrush by accident. How? I don't know- it was a totally different colour to mine. He's got a new toothbrush now. 

I'm in dire need for a blog design lesson. I did some html stuff at university but that was like seven whole years ago! Ugh. Any tips on where to start? 

Last night I lay in bed thinking about this post, like what to write (yes I do that a lot), but I don't remember what I was wanting to say (do have a writing pad beside my bed for those brilliant moments but didn't use it of course) so that's me for today. 

Have a great weekend!  

Ten (plus one) things at 10PM

I've been wanting to write more about what life is like as a mother. Here's a list of ten.

1. When you have a baby, you are forced to live in the NOW. Someone else said this and I found it so correct. It is a huge brain adjustment!

2. It can get lonely. Not in the socialising sense, but because as the main caregiver, you're the main one your baby needs (and needs a lot) and it is a peculiar thing to experience. You might have a lot in common with other moms but it is still different. I'm not sure how much this makes sense!

3. It is truly hard to think of other things. My brain is full to the brim of things relating to the home or Toby (food, naps, things to do, things to buy, things to plan), and I have to really concentrate (or write a lot of lists) to make sure I'm thinking of the other major things in my life too. Not that we should feel the pressure to be super.

4. But the pressure to be super-woman is there. Some days it feels like you've only done the dishes all day. Or you didn't even take a shower. And you feel like looking after your child was not a good enough achievement, even when you know it is.

5. It is awesome. I have a baby. I have a son. He is growing a tooth at the moment. He is growing up fast!

6. It is a lot of fun learning all the quirks and observing how Toby does new things everyday. It is amazing!

7. Experiencing the 'growing up fast' thing first hand is interesting. There is such a tension wanting your child to grow up yet not wanting them to do that at the same time!

8. I fear sounding greedy but seeing people pregnant starts to get hard again. Or things like talking with new mom friends about how they got pregnant can be painful... because most people don't know what our story was like and I can't expect them to can I!

9. Sadly some days I'm just as critical as I ever was when I see families with a few children. I assume that it has been easier for them than it has been for me. Back to being all about me!

10. Insecurity. With change, my insecurities seem to show up. These past seven months I've noticed that they have. Maybe combined with hormones. Maybe combined with the tiredness. Maybe combined with change in relationships like marriage, etc.

11. On a lighter note, you get to really love some products and things around the home like baby wipes. OH MY. Awesome invention. And cups- stacking cups, coloured cups, plastic cups. Toby loves them so I love them... haha!

Anyway. I know I listed a few things that seem 'negative' but that's not what I intended to do. It is just what's been real for me. I wouldn't change my current situation for anything in the world.

And totally. Feel free to tell me off if I'm taking my mom-hood for granted.

A Day to Remember

Today is the 22nd of February, a day of varied emotions! Our work/ministry celebrates its second birthday, but we also commemorate the first anniversary of a major earthquake that took place in Christchurch and caused many lives to be lost.

At the same time I praise God that a friend who has suffered many baby losses has had some crazy good news, and feel sad for another friend who is riding the difficult rollercoaster of infertility...

Life is so full of mixed emotions and experiences. Loss and life, hope and disappointment. Yet it feels odd that I still did the laundry today, cooked a meal, went to the mall, and am here typing in my safe home. Daily life still has to go on. How does that work?

Let's Talk About Something Else

If you want to read something totally different. Here's a post I wrote about money stuff.

33 weeks!

How are you doing?

This week I'm at 33 weeks!

GO US!

I don't feel the most fab physically- bit of nausea (taking vitamin B6 to see if that helps), extreme tiredness somedays, back pain when I walk, still having leg cramps in the night (despite my magnesium pills sigh...)! But I know we're doing well and baby seems to be doing fine, so let's try and keep that all in focus haha.

We've prepared the baby room in a basic sense. There's furniture and most of the baby's bits and pieces in there. I still have a bit of organising and clearing-out to do but just will have to do that slowly.

The 'spare' room was always a strong physical reminder for me of the children we were waiting for. Now that we have ACTUALLY been able to prepare it, it is simply quite awesome (ahh!).

Last night we finished our ante natal classes. I think it went well and hopefully we'll form a little group.

I don't know how prepared I feel for labour and post-natal stuff, but at least I have a bit more knowledge now. I definitely feel a bit nervous about the thought of all that pain, but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much because I know I'll just freak myself out- cos' I do that.

There are lots more little things to buy and it is OVERWHELMING how many baby products there are out there. I've got a list but I've sort of stopped 'accumulating' for now as I'll just wait and see what we need and also what my baby shower brings (yes I'm going to have one!)

I'm thankful that we've been able to purchase a heap of stuff second-hand (proud of our bargain hunting skills) and also been given some lovely things already. When I stare at these newborn clothes, it is like oh-my-goodness-oh-my-goodness! (Is that from Annie? I can't remember haha.)

Life has been busy! I wish I was stopping to blog more, but I seem to keep running out of minutes! (Partly cos' I'm tired a lot I think.)

Anyway. Just wanted to write a short update. Don't have any good photos with me right now, but hopefully will post some soon.

Have a lovely mid-week.

P.S. Usually love these updates but this week, Babycenter says the baby is sort of the size of a pineapple right now. A PINEAPPLE! (Talk about a scary visual aid.)

"Is this your first baby?"

(avoid conversation with this woman! she often doesn't know what to say and cries easily! haha.)

When we were at the wedding in Nelson a couple weekends ago, this was a question that came up a few times. I've asked it myself and I really don't mind it as it is just a part of conversation, as what they are actually asking is, "Do you have any other kids?"

But it caught me by surprise when it was asked of me! Because I know the simple answer is 'Yes'. And yet the more correct answer is 'No'. And yet I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, because they really weren't asking for my life-story.

Then again I'm someone who likes meaningful conversation, so I find myself torn and hesitating for a split second, which I'm sure seems weird if you were the 'asker' as you'd think it'd be a pretty easy one!

Anyway. I usually just answer a polite yes, so that the whole group conversation can move on... but last night, I got a little bold.

I was at someone's house and I got talking with one woman. Maybe because it was a one-to-one conversation and we already knew her husband a little, I'm not sure... so when she asked me, "Is this your first baby?", I decided to take the plunge and I said, "Well, you know, this is actually not my first pregnancy, but yes it is the first baby that has come this far along and we're stoked!"

I wasn't sure where this was going to take us but I trust that this was God thing because then we went on to have a conversation about infertility. She shared with me that they have gone through infertility themselves, have not been able to get pregnant, and are currently living life as two.

We didn't get to chat for very long, but it was a major connection point (had to blink back tears), and I appreciate that she opened up. It is a tough topic to be talking about with someone you just met! On my end of course it is always special to share with someone like her that I'm pregnant, as she understands how huge of a miracle it is too.

I'm not sure where I was heading with this post! But I guess I was thinking, sometimes it is worth the risk being vulnerable as you never know, you might find someone who's been on a similar path too! (And it is kinda like a painfully special scar you share.)

In the News This Week

Been aching to write more but it has been a tiring couple weeks. Life can be sticky sometimes huh. There's gunk at the bottom of the sink, there are dentist visits that cost a couple hundred dollars, and there are issues inside of me that God is trying to sort out that make me cry into my bowl of lunch at home when a meaningful song comes on! haha... sigh... ANYWAY. Here are some other headlines.

1.

Limping Dog Has Knee Problem

 

Poor Sammy was found to have some knee damage from one of his many mad leaps from the yard to the deck, but thankfully he didn't need surgery. Finding all that out cost us over $400. And if he'd needed a procedure it would've been $1500. Pretty much like if a normal person had private knee surgery. That would've been very sucky. In the meantime, how do you tell a dog that thinks he's TIGGER, not to run?

2.

Woman Finally has Haircut

The other day I looked like this... (we went out to Takapuna for a coffee and had dessert too. Yay!)

Now I look like this... (Tried to have the dog in the photo so that it wasn't so weird just taking a photo of myself haha... but he keeps looking away.)

I found a new place to cut my hair. The lady was lovely and I'm totally going back to her, but I have to say I had one of those 'IF conversations'. It wasn't too bad at all, but I can see how scenarios like this can turn us into some crazy-IF-er if encountered on the wrong day... This is how it went after we conversed for a while:

Stylist: Do you have kids?

Me: No, but I'm actually pregnant. (Decided to just say it. Pretty obvious these days anyway...)

Stylist: Oh I thought so but didn't want to assume. (Which was very sweet of her.) How long have you been married?

Me: Six years.

Stylist: Oh you took a while to start then!

Me: Um... we wanted to start having children about three years ago but it just 'took us a while'... (Decided to keep it vague.)

Stylist: Well, sometimes I think your body just gets used to not conceiving and just doesn't know what to do for a while...

Me: MmmHmmmm... (I know she was trying to be kind and part of her theory may be based on her own experience as she has a large age-gap between her kids- who knows! But anyway, I decided not to pursue it and left it at that!)

Also this week, I had an actually-terrible conversation about baby loss with someone... but we won't keep going on this today. I think I'll leave it for now!

3. 

Dishwasher is A-GO-GO!

At Christmas, we got given money from both my parents and my in-laws to go towards some home improvement things, one of which was a dishwasher! I've been desiring one for a while. Very thankful!

Took us a few weeks but the husband and his clever self managed to figure out how best to fit it into our kitchen... He did a bunch of work re-sizing the one cabinet and getting a new countertop ($15 from trademe!). 

And along with the electrician and plumber, we got there!

4.

Blog Wins Second Award

There are some fun awards going around and this week I won an award from Jen. Thanks! Honoured! I have also won an award from Grace before but I never passed it on. Ugh... Terrible! So I will pass them on this time. Hopefully in my next post.

Ten Things at 10am

1. Happy New Year to those who are of Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese or Japanese background (sorry if I missed a few others, don't know the whole list)! Hope you are having a lovely time celebrating and eating a lot with family.

2. We don't do that much for Chinese New Year here in NZ, as most of our relatives are in Singapore, but we do try. My mom has a big dinner on the 'eve' and we get together with friends who are also here with few relatives.

3. Last year, the husband and I sorta 'skipped' Chinese New Year because something came up (hospital! ugh. was not fun but we are ok.) so this year I've tried to decorate a little and put a bit more effort into it. Wanna see?

**preggie talk ahead**

4. We've made it to 18 weeks people! AAHH! (That's like 4.5 months which is like halfway! Though they count to 40 weeks for the due date...)

5. Next week we will have our anatomy ultrasound. We get to see the baby! It is like Christmas. I think I have been looking forward to it for like two months. This will be one weekend where I don't mind if it goes too fast. Honest.

6. It is more obvious now that I'm pregnant, which is pretty freaky. It looks huge to me! Definitely still seems unreal sometimes when I look in the mirror.

7. I have felt some movements in there. It is very exciting! Another thing I never dared to dream about. Thankful!

8. The husband definitely thinks I have 'baby brain' which I've always been stubborn to believe is real but I think for me, this seems to be true. The other day I said something like," 14 + 2 = 18". And I'm supposed to be good at math. SAD.

**preggie talk over**


9. I loved this post the other day from (in)courage... I was actually drawn to its title, "Waiting in my Wings" because I thought of the verse from Psalm 91:4,

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;

And then when I read it I found out that it was about waiting specifically to be a mother!

10. Weather- it is super muggy over here- 92% humidity right now- and we are all sweating the days away.

Over in Aussie they have just been hit with a MAJOR cyclone, with damage all over. Can't even begin to imagine! And I my bro in the States says, where he is, it has gone pretty nuts with the snow, power cuts, etc. Hope you all are keeping safe and sound wherever you are!

Life Lessons from Sammy The Dog

1. Be consistent.

Poop in the same place.

2. Consider savings and investments.

Save for a rainy day and invest in quality things- Hide your bones in the dirt somewhere. (When you dig up the half decomposed yummy treat, they may be so 'pleased' with you that they keep the black and mouldy thing for themselves and give you a brand new one.)

If they anticipate that you'll bury the nice new bone and don't let you out, hide it in the couch when they are not looking. They'll never know.

(this cracked me up so much!)

3. Eat healthy.

Eat only what you need at breakfast and dinner. There's always gonna be more kibble, but work for the treats in between meals, that's the real deal.

4. Sleep well.

 Sleep as much as you can in the day, so you can wake up before them and start warming up for the morning walk a couple hours before the man is ready. Tip: Lie right at their bedroom door just in case they miss you when they open it.

5. Communicate clearly.

Lick, wet-nose nudge, lean all your body weight, roll over, put head in lap, etc... These are obvious techniques for getting them to know you would like a rub. Tip: Stare deeply into their eyeballs. That often works.

6. Be yourself.

They might be surprised by who you are at first but they will come round eventually. The lady needs to learn that she can teach me new things and I do adapt to my new home, but really I will come as I am. This is good training for her for the future of motherhood and adoption maybe.

New

(New laundry line that my in-laws provided for us!)

Hi there. As I write this I have laundry in the machine that's done but I can't quite get myself to hang it up just yet (despite the nice new laundry hangy thing we have which is fab, plus it is summer...), the husband is mowing the lawn and Sammy is walking in and out of the house bringing cut grass with him. Ha. New year but life goes on huh!

(This was Sammy this morning, enjoying the sunshine out back!)

Happy New Year! I don't know if I quite know how to approach beginning a new year these days. I'm learning to pray for God's plan to unfold, and for Him to help us deal with it if it is not always what we want haha. Sigh. Of course there are also so many things to be thankful for in the past year... and a new year to look ahead also brings much hope, which is refreshing... but the whole 'new year' thing is one of those things that we all do differently I guess. Any traditions?

Anyway. I just wanted to write a quick post. I'm in the midst of updating my calendars. Yes I physically write dates in my new calendar and new diary. Yeah a bit old school but kinda fun. And I'm one of those people that has to be on a roll and has to keep up with it or I lose it and it never gets done! So can't be too long here haha.

The husband's birthday was on New Year's Eve and I just wanted to celebrate him a little. He is a fabulous husband and I can't say enough about him. I've been a terrible wife these last couple months because the morning/all-day sickness and fatigue has been pretty killer, yet he has dealt with it and not complained. (Besides making a cheesecake for his birthday I didn't even do much else! Thankfully my in-laws were here from Canada and my parents came over too... so that was still a treat and we had a little dinner for him. ) 

(Baked cappucino cheesecake! Recipe here.)

The husband is everything I could ask for. I also love that we are such good friends and companions and I am so thankful for that.

(Recent wedding we were at!)

Our new nephew was born on his birthday (yeah!) so that was a super cool birthday present for him. Of course, this baby we are expecting is also a gift- early Christmas gift, birthday gift, everything gift really. I think we are still so overwhelmed and will continue to be for a while. We make it to 14 weeks today which is unbelievable. AAhhhhhhhh!!! (Due date is 4th of July!)

The past couple years have been a bit tumultuous for the husband and so I'm praying for a calmer year and a also a year of healing from all the 'drama' that has left us a little bruised.

Anyway. This was a bit of a random post but just wanted to say hi and hope you have had a good start to the new year. Who knows what's in store?

(This was us saying GOODBYE to 2010. Then I really had to go to bed and the husband went to enjoy some fireworks with friends haha.)

[oh. the husband hung up the laundry for me. ahh. sweet guy! haha.]

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas everyone!

(nativity set from my in-laws. first christmas that i get to display them! fun times.)

How are you doing?

I know today is a day of celebrating and enjoying time with friends and family. For us we pretty much received our gift and Christmas miracle early- our pregnancy. (um... Read previous post if you missed that.) Who knew? I still can't help but say it all seems so crazy. However I have also been thinking of those in the midst of a heart-breaking time.

I have two special friends who have gone through miscarriages this week. Each of them are very dear to me and it is heart-breaking to know they are grieving for their little child, especially right in this season of what should be joy and hope. Even though I can relate, I want so much to comfort them but words still escape me.

I also acknowledge a friend who misses her mother who has passed, and another friend who is going through a marriage separation.

These are all paths they also never imagined they'd be on. At times like Christmas, as much as it is a wonderful time, I'm sure you IF-ers know too, the realities of life can be so hard to avoid- yet another Christmas tree with no presents under it to buy for the child you imagine you'd have by now.

'I'm praying for you' is what I say, but it can seem so empty or overused when the depth of the pain appears so bottomless...

Oh Lord I continue to be thankful and overwhelmed by the infinite nature of your grace and mercy. The birth of Christ signifies the hope and life you bring. Yet I'm sure You also knew the double-edged-ness on the day of His birth, as it would mean His death and sacrifice for all of ours. (I think there is a song about this or maybe many songs but I can't remember it right now.)

You probably also had great joy and great sorrow as Jesus was welcomed to this broken world- knowing what was to come. I pray for comfort for these dear friends Lord. It can only come from You. All the words and gifts we may bring are useless and ultimately empty without You involved.

There are also so many questions we bring Lord. Could you have made it less painful? Better timing? Saved it for when we were prepared? How long more?

Anyway. We bring you these messed-up things and we know there is no other way but to let you handle them.

I know. Sorta heavy. But that's just what's on my mind. Hmmm...

It is actually already the end of Christmas day here. I had a lovely day (pancakes, presents, Skype, family, friends, etc. ) with special family here and I hope the same has been/will be for you too.

(this is what my living room is looking like...)

Goodnight!

Sickie

I've been sick the last couple days... down with a kind of cold and just ol' sore-throat-pain-and-yuckiness. Trying not to splutter all over the keyboard. EW.

But hopefully I'm getting there. Being in bed or on the couch all day is no fun. It sounds fun but when you actually have to do it it is not.

What are you like when you are sick?

I'm:

- paranoid that suddenly everything is super dirty and needs a clean. I think I imagine germs multiplying as I'm sleeping and breathing on it. NEED TO NEED TO: Change the sheets (done), ask the husband if he can vacuum (haha), wash the dog, wipe the whole house down, etc.

- hungry for everything but not really. I think cos' your senses get dulled you just want to taste tasty things, but then when you eat it it isn't actually that great cos' you're not feeling great enough to enjoy it? I may be one of those people who miraculously gains weight while sick.

- wanting chicken soup. So I made some in the crock pot for myself (and the husband). Love the crock pot cos' it is so 'self-cooking'.

- too uncomfortable to be in one position for too long. Sleeping isn't fun, sitting isn't fun, standing isn't fun, TV is boring. Oh I'm such a joy to be around. Thankfully it has just been Sammy and I.

- consuming a lot of honey and lemon.

- wondering if coughing so much can give you good abs?

- not sure how I would do this if I had a baby. I guess you just do what you gotta do. Or ring grandma.

- getting a bit concerned about how the world is managing to survive without me! Haha.

But no seriously, being stuck at home recovering from something always makes me realise how much I need to trust God for my sense of worth, not the things I do or achieve.

- doing an announcement-thingy-about-IF/LOSS stuff tomorrow at church so hoping that I don't sound too much like I've been travelling in the desert looking for water and chain-smoking at the same time. Sigh. Timing can be funny... I'm sure it'll be ok.

Haha... Not a terribly exciting post for today. Hope you have a good weekend ahead guys!

What's Great About Now...

This weekend I got to spend some time alone at Browns Bay. It was nice taking a walk and have a nosey around the shops. Here is a pic I took while sitting on the bench.

(there were lotsa people and dogs out and about, but somehow they didn't feature in my shot... haha... oh well!)

Ahhh thankful for lovely days and gelato. haha. Yeah I had a double scoop of gelato- chocolate and hazelnut. MMmmmmm.

(Except it was a cash-only shop and I never carry cash on me these days, so I had to go and get money from an ATM, but I think the shopowners are pretty used to it cos' she let me have my ice-cream and trusted me to come back with the money. How nice!)

The warm weather reminds us that Christmas is coming up (yeah weird for some of you I know!) and I love it. What do you like about this time of the year?

I like:

1. Christmas and all its trimmings like ornaments, wrapping presents, food, etc.

2. Starbucks releases its Christmas-flavours of drinks! Yum.

3. Summer = warmth. (Though it might get hot and there are flies but besides that...) Having barbecues and hanging out outside.

4. Cos' it is warm, we will wear less layers, which means (theoretically) less laundry! haha.

5. Ice-cream/gelato/frappucino/milkshakes/smoothies, give it to me baby!

6. Music. Love Christmas music.

Last year my bro and sis-in-law got me Chris Tomlin's Glory in the Highest (if you can, listen to the 11th track by Audrey Assad, I love it even thought it isn't winter here... gorgeous! Reminds me I'd like to check out her own album... ) and Mercy Me's The Christmas Sessions for Christmas so I'm looking forward to playing it leading up to Christmas instead of after Christmas this time haha...

Anyway. That's me for now. What about you?

Sunday night here. Better head to bed. Have a good day!

Thoughts on Naomi

I've been quite interested in the character of Naomi from the book of Ruth in the Bible. Initially I just thought she had a lovely name but I also really struggled to understand why she wanted to be called 'Mara' instead which means bitter- so much more ugly-sounding!

Recently, I got to read a Francine Rivers book Lineage of Grace, and it had a version of Ruth and Naomi's story. (I don't read a lot of Christian-fiction but I have enjoyed some Francine Rivers books as it helps me picture what life may have been like in history.) I was really intrigued by how Francine Rivers detailed these women, especially Naomi.

It occured to me how her life contained so much loss. She lost her husband Elimelech and both her sons. Thinking back to the way life was in Bible times, to go from a woman married with two sons (her life was probably pretty secure in terms of income and social standing), to having NONE of those.

Instead she returned to her homeland with nothing but a Moabitess on tow, who was a foreigner to them. This would've been a big no-no to the locals and they probably weren't very well received or welcomed.

I know this is not my situation but I think this connected with me because I'm learning so much about loss through things such as the husband and I having to change jobs and give up some dreams we had about our career future, through infertility and miscarriage, as well as through friends who have lost close ones.

There was also a situation earlier this year where the thought of losing the husband became very real to me. Thankfully this did not happen and I still have him but in a sense that day was life-changing and it made me think about the realities of life.

I guess with so much of our lives revolving around the idea of progress, advancement and plans on what you are going to do next, (and a lot of our identity is linked to these things) it hits you hard when your life is on 'pause' or for some even, like Naomi, in 'rewind'... when stuff is taken away.

A friend of ours has gone through a devastating marriage breakdown and he was talking about how he never thought years later he'd be back in this place of being single with a crappy car and a few bits of furniture- with really just 'nothing to show' for his life... I'm sure he thought he'd still be married, possibly with kids, and at a good point in his career... but it hasn't quite turned out how we all thought for him... it reminded me of Naomi.

NO WONDER she was upset. No wonder she wanted to be called Mara. I only understand a smidgen of her pain and yet I can understand why she would have called out in despair and anguish. When I was younger it was so easy for me to think she should've just 'gotten over it'... now bitterness is something that I'm more familiar with.

However, I also think even though she called herself a bitter person, she must've loved God and showed it. The fact that her daughter-in-law Ruth wanted to follow her God says something about Naomi. She probably demonstrated God's love through her strength and perseverance even back when they were living in Moab, a foreign land with foreign gods, or else Ruth wouldn't have followed her back to Bethlehem. You know what I mean?

Our friend whom I mentioned has also left us with a lot to learn. He's clung to God the best way he can through this process. I'm sure there are days where he is still angry like Naomi was (uh... I've been through less and I am!)... but as friends we can see that pleasing and following God has been his priority.

Ruth could've gone back to her family and started a new life, but she chose to stay with Naomi. I know it also demonstrates Ruth's character and commitment, but I would imagine that Naomi probably also had something about her that caused Ruth to want to adopt her faith. Naomi also demonstrated her care in helping Ruth find a new husband- Boaz, an older man but a godly man.

This is something I thought was worth considering... asking myself if I'm continually putting God first in all the aspects of my life. A hard one to do though huh?

Anyway. Just love it when there's parts in the Bible that suddenly seem to make so much sense or speak to us where we are at. I guess that is a way God speaks to us and comforts us through His word.

Hmmm...

Hope you are having a good weekend.

Ten Things at (not really) 10 am (more like 12pm)

The fastest way for me to post is to list. So here I go. This is a jumbly list of things.

1. This weekend is a long weekend for us here in NZ- Labour Day. It has also been quite sunny! Loving it. Yay for warmth!

2. However, I haven't been feeling all that wonderful. I'm not sure if I have allergies or am just run-down. I'm yawning by 9pm and crawling into bed by 9:30pm! Grrrr. Thankful for not having to work tomorrow though.

3. I have started to get quite depressed about supermarket-ting. I used to like it but now it comes with such dread! (Maybe because I'm terrible at writing a shopping list... cos' it all depends on what is on discount! You know what I mean?)

It is such a big job... walking your socks off, pushing big bafoony trolley/cart around, dodging other shoppers and avoiding aisle-rage, spending a TON of money that doesn't look worth your wares, loading it into the car, then unloading it all, stocking the pantry, then doing it all again in a couple weeks.

Now I make sure I buy ONE SNACK THING as a reward, cos' I'm often starving from all the mental, physical and emotional energy I've invested into the trip... so I eat it when I've loaded the car and got in my car and BREATHE. Then start the journey home.  Yesterday I ate a banana. Not very exciting I know but still good haha...

4. My friend Ruth mentioned making cards recently on her blog... this inspired me to make some the other day. I'm not very hard-core (like not at all a proper scrapbooker-type) about it but I just make the most of random things I have, like fabric.

(as you can see, i like hearts!)

There are lots of birthdays (and a wedding) that have been going on this month. I'm already late for some, ugh terrible I know. This is also a good money saving thingy (which I'm trying to do!) as I can get super carried away buying cards and gifts, etc.

5. My blogger friend Grace and her husband are adopting and waiting for their child to come home to them. She finally has just heard some good news... it is possible that she will be able to bring him home from Korea in 6 to 9 weeks. SO STOKED FOR THEM!

6. Heather at reach in, reach out, reach up posted about some myths about infertility. This is a great post... I myself may have said stuff like this to others before experiencing infertility myself and I understand that with IF and loss, sometimes there really is never anything to say that is good or helps... but at least avoiding the really bad ones is a plus. (At the moment one of the hard ones for me is wondering if people think that adoption is our new fertility treatment. It is not.)

7. My super friend C has been celebrating her birthday this weekend! Happy Birthday!

8. I'm running a half-marathon in a week. I have to admit I'm quite worried about it. Am I prepared enough? Will I survive? Have I set too high of a goal? AHHH... I'm also raising money while I run, for the Heart Foundation. If you'd like to donate, click here. (Don't laugh, I've been pretty laidback about the fundraising.)

9. IF stuff never leaves me... I often randomly count the number of people I know who are pregnant. Do you? I hate that I do this as it is just plain ol' torture... but I can't help it. It is reaching the point where 80-90% of my friends are either pregnant or have kids or are 'trying'... I wonder if you ever get used to it.

10. Right now, the husband is vacuuming. Yes! I am so thankful for him. haha.

Have a good weekend.

Hello There!

(not my bear)

Hi there to everyone who's coming by via IComLeavWe (International Comment Leaving Week) October 2010! This is my first time participating, so I'm quite excited.

If you'd like to know about my IF stuff, you can go to My Infertility History.

If you'd just like a gist of everything, you can go to Welcome/Quick-start.

Here's some random stuff about me:
1. I'm writing this from a fitness centre in Auckland, New Zealand. I've lived here for almost 10 years though I grew up in Singapore and am from Singporean-Chinese background.
2. I'm married to a Canadian.
3. This morning we forgot to feed the dog- the husband thought I did and I thought he did.
4. The dog has been a  lot of work, though we really like him... but that's for another post.
5. I love Japanese food... I just love a lot of food in general.
6. I flinched when I heard that Alicia Keys had her baby, cos' I didn't know she was pregnant. And I double-flinched when I heard that Beyonce is now pregnant*. Totally jealous. Sigh... Secretly don't want to listen to their music to 'punish' them for being 'fertile'.
7. I just wrote two posts related to how much I LOVE shopping (one here and one somewhere else) which is so hilarious because in real life the husband and I have had talks about 'finances' just this week and shopping is SO NOT ALLOWED. Well he didn't say that but I think that is a probable conclusion.

Okay I'll stop here.

Thanks for stopping by!

*Edit: Hold your horses... I've been told this might be a rumour only.

Hello Monday

It is back to work for me today after a week off. Hope you had a good weekend too?

(Got to soak in a bit of sunshine this past week.)

Resuming life after time off always tends to give me like a small panic attack so I'm gonna take a few mins to reorganise my head after this post (and pray!), haha. It is also crazy that it is like 12 weeks to Christmas or the end of the year. Mad. Maybe I should put my tree up now so that'll be one less thing to do?

There were a few beautiful days here in Auckland (yay!) and I got to catch up on some goofy movies- Grown Ups, Date Night and Despicable Me (loved it). Yes, somehow I have to watch light and funny movies at the moment. I can't handle anything too sad or too serious. Even animated films can get the tears flowing so I'm staying away from anything that's actually intense. Silly all the way is good thanks.

Anyway here are a couple links to some posts that caught my eye:

• When we just don't know the words to pray, by Holley at Dayspring- sharing this cos' I often feel like this when someone shares with me about stuff in their life, and
• Why its really worth it to tell your secrets, by Ann Voskamp- sharing this cos' I really like this and often wonder about the idea of vulnerability and the goods and bads of being open about your life...

They each have a blog too if you scroll through the article you will find it. Both are part of this website, (in)courage, which often has some posts that speak straight to the heart.

Why do days-off always go by so fast? I hardly got anything on my 'list' crossed off. Typical! Sigh. Haha... Have a great week.

Ten Things at 10am

There's a lot going on.

I'm keeping it light for today. Here are some random things I'm up to...

1. I went out and bought a new pair of shoes- wedged heel sandals, in preparation for warmer weather haha... ahhh feels so good. I don't often see shoes I like at Number One Shoe Warehouse but I did and they were $29.99, which is pretty cheap around here. (I think this is my first new pair of shoes this year? Could that be? Quite an accomplishment I think!) Only problem now is nasty toenails... here's a pic of them without feet.

2. Our study was not being well used so I de-cluttered the study a little... sold my desk that I wasn't using (it ended up just as a paper-holder) and bought a taller bookshelf to store our books instead, moved stuff around, tried to get organised, etc.

I found some cute boxes at a Japanese-goods store and using it to store my stuff on our small bookshelf instead of just piling it on the desk. I'd like to paint the shelf but that'll be another day... (This 'organised-thing always works for a short while and then somehow a magic mess appears again! Note: I just don't take pictures of the mess.)



3. This week coming up we're having a break! No work for a week. We have been looking forward to this for a while. We're not going away but being home and just trying to relax will be nice. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up with some friends too... we also have a few house-things to get done... lots of books to read...

4. Finally tried making this coffee cake today.

Looks good and tastes okay... but is icing was a bit overkill. Thankfully the husband is a sweeter-tooth than me so he will be good help eating it.

5. I wear these around the house sometimes just to laugh at myself. I got them last year when we went to the Universal Studios in Gold Coast, Australia with some great friends to start a new adventure. I don't actually watch that much Spongebob but I just thought these were funny.


6. This is something I'm casually keeping my eye out for- a printer's tray or drawer. Okay, I don't need it, but it'd be kinda cool for home decor stuff one day. I missed this auction on TradeMe the other day and was so frustrated. (This other one was also for sale but looks like they want more...)

7. My friend shared these random YouTube clips with me the other day. It came out of a conversation on how, in general Asian music videos, whether from HK or Taiwan or Korea, are so overly sappy but quite intriguing to watch! (Check 'I Am Woman' by KISS out if you want a sample. Beware it is eight minutes long!) High cringe factor but I sorta love it.

For a more fun and sugar-sweet pop feel, watch 'Nobody' by Wonder Girls, another Korean clip. Quite hilare.

8. We had a couple warm days here this week. Even though I was at work for some of the sunny afternoons, it was nice to be reminded of what summer feels like again. Funny how you sorta forget.

9. This was Sammy a few minutes ago. (It was his birthday yesterday, he's now officially three... but we weren't great dog owners, we didn't really know what to do. Do they eat cake? We gave him a couple venison treats that he liked and uh... had to leave for work. He did get some good rubs though.)

10. I need to go. I'm meeting someone in ten minutes. Wow I'm organised. I guess that's what happens when you tre and get stuff done on Saturday mornings.

Have a great weekend.

Soothing the Crazywoman

What things make you cheer up a little?

Tuesday was the day I tried it all...

I had a couple bleak days at the beginning of this week. Hate how it makes me feel like I'm empty at the core. No wonder they call this infertility thing a monster, it rears its ugly head so unexpectedly... Everything makes you cry and everything makes you angry.

(Maybe that's how Venus F feels...)

Maybe it is the currently wonky hormones, maybe it was because I randomly decided to be smart and look up a information sheet on adoption where some random fact just made my hope levels plunge to the bottom, I'm not sure. I think I just get sick of it sometimes. Sick of waiting, sick of being patient, sick of planning my life around 'maybes'... so I just got sad.

So anyway, I went to the mall after my early work-shift. Yes, I love shopping. I love looking at clothes and just looking out for good buys. Ahhh... instant bliss.

Um, not long-lasting though.

The knot in my stomach did not totally go away. I even had a bit of sushi to see if that would ease my prickly emotions. I love sushi. But my appetite is insatiable.

I went home and went out for a walk. Walking is good cos' it makes you breathe. I took my MP3 player with me intending to listen to some music (ahhh music is good...) as I walked as it was a beautiful and cold wintry day with pure blue skies...

...but the battery was dead. Haha. I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Eve.

So I stomped my way around the block and back. It was good but by then I'd realised my thought patterns were just going round and round in circles, a variety pack of all the things I could be insecure about were swarming like bees in a hive.

I knew the best thing was to focus on God's word. I read through a bunch of Psalms and tried to concentrate on the words. (Why didn't I start with that, I don't know.)

I know I say it often but I love turning to the Psalms.

Lord thank you for soothing my sour pruneyness
Some days I feel so lost, but knowing you are at the end of the road is my ultimate comfort.

I also texted a friend in a similar place to me, and it was a relief to know I was not alone. Thank you God for her.

The last thing I should've done to cap the day off would've been to bake a bunch of chocolate-chip-laden cookies and down them with a big cup of tea. But I didn't have time... all my frustrations had fast-forwarded me to dinner time.

(That's probably how you age quicky- be bitter. UhOh. Makes you pruney inside AND out.)

I did have to have a cup of tea with a close friend after dinner though. And that was also a fine way to spend the evening.

But life is weird. I feel like I never know what tomorrow brings.

I feel more 'normal' now. Or close at least. Thankyouverymuch.

(Maybe I should've had nutella on white bread for dessert... )