Photo Time

Putting up that last post's pic of the spiderweb got me thinking to post a few more pics on here. I've been fiddling with my little point and shoot camera and am quite proud of the photos I've managed to take! Here are some shots from my past couple weeks.

It is wintery and cold here... lovely time to read by the fire.

Speaking of fire, here's our firewood basking in the winter sun. We're trying to dry these ones out... probably more for next winter.

A couple posts ago, I moaned about not being able to bake a chocolate cake. I ended up managing to make making a chocolate mudcake that needed less eggs haha and also contained baileys and coffee. yum!

I love it with a cup of tea.

Last weekend, the husband took us away for a weekend! It was a lovely surprise to spend some time with him. We actually just ended up in a place just out of the city center, as he thought I'd like it for the food and shopping in the area. WOW. That was so sweet (especially when what husband likes to shop?)

I didn't get pics of our time away, but I did get a photo towards the end when we went to visit the park where he proposed to me SIX years ago! We used to walk up the hill a lot when we were dating and we also took a couple wedding photos there. It has a fab view of Auckland.

Mt Eden is a volcano, so you may be able to sort of see the crater shape in this pic... and it was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon too...

This photography stuff has been an accidental new hobby for me... didn't think I could take such lovely pics with my little Canon Powershot... but pretty stoked with these! Yay. (Feel free to share tips.)

Random last addition: I also love home decor stuff. Today I just put up some frames containing photos of my gorgeous nieces and nephews. So excited about them! Here's a pic of the corner of my living room.

Okay... probably enough for now. Hope you are having a good and restful Sunday.

Soothing the Crazywoman

What things make you cheer up a little?

Tuesday was the day I tried it all...

I had a couple bleak days at the beginning of this week. Hate how it makes me feel like I'm empty at the core. No wonder they call this infertility thing a monster, it rears its ugly head so unexpectedly... Everything makes you cry and everything makes you angry.

(Maybe that's how Venus F feels...)

Maybe it is the currently wonky hormones, maybe it was because I randomly decided to be smart and look up a information sheet on adoption where some random fact just made my hope levels plunge to the bottom, I'm not sure. I think I just get sick of it sometimes. Sick of waiting, sick of being patient, sick of planning my life around 'maybes'... so I just got sad.

So anyway, I went to the mall after my early work-shift. Yes, I love shopping. I love looking at clothes and just looking out for good buys. Ahhh... instant bliss.

Um, not long-lasting though.

The knot in my stomach did not totally go away. I even had a bit of sushi to see if that would ease my prickly emotions. I love sushi. But my appetite is insatiable.

I went home and went out for a walk. Walking is good cos' it makes you breathe. I took my MP3 player with me intending to listen to some music (ahhh music is good...) as I walked as it was a beautiful and cold wintry day with pure blue skies...

...but the battery was dead. Haha. I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Eve.

So I stomped my way around the block and back. It was good but by then I'd realised my thought patterns were just going round and round in circles, a variety pack of all the things I could be insecure about were swarming like bees in a hive.

I knew the best thing was to focus on God's word. I read through a bunch of Psalms and tried to concentrate on the words. (Why didn't I start with that, I don't know.)

I know I say it often but I love turning to the Psalms.

Lord thank you for soothing my sour pruneyness
Some days I feel so lost, but knowing you are at the end of the road is my ultimate comfort.

I also texted a friend in a similar place to me, and it was a relief to know I was not alone. Thank you God for her.

The last thing I should've done to cap the day off would've been to bake a bunch of chocolate-chip-laden cookies and down them with a big cup of tea. But I didn't have time... all my frustrations had fast-forwarded me to dinner time.

(That's probably how you age quicky- be bitter. UhOh. Makes you pruney inside AND out.)

I did have to have a cup of tea with a close friend after dinner though. And that was also a fine way to spend the evening.

But life is weird. I feel like I never know what tomorrow brings.

I feel more 'normal' now. Or close at least. Thankyouverymuch.

(Maybe I should've had nutella on white bread for dessert... )

Saturday Afternoon

This afternoon I was planning to make a scrumptious chocolate cake but I forgot to get eggs when I was at the supermarket (don't you hate that) and I'm only one short but I can't be bothered going back, and I want to follow the recipe to the T cos' it is a new one, so I might make something else instead...

But it is a lovely day outside, which all of Auckland is thankful for cos' it has been pretty mad stormy for a while... so it is cold since there is little cloud, but oh so gorgeous.

The husband and I recently discovered that our little lemon tree is really going for it this year. Without much effort on our part, as we have been terrible at keeping the garden decent- I have no clue about these things.

Yet, there are tons of lemons on it! So fun! We've never seen this many before. Bummed about my lack of eggs (haha. in more ways than one huh ladies...) I decided to go take a few pics of our ballooning lemon tree.

Oh ya they look like oranges but they really are lemons...

Cool huh?

(Our yard is in a terrible state, but I think I have managed to hide that fact well in these pics. )

I'm refraining from making any jokes about life literarally handing me lemons, etc. But it is hard to not laugh about that, as it totally matches the season of life the husband and I have been in haha.

Anyway.  I'm going to go have a big think about what to make as it is hard to redirect expectations, especially high ones about having chocolate cake with frosting. (Actually that sounds a lot like something else doesn't it? haha.) Sigh.

Hope you are having a great weekend!

Waiting for the Sun to Rise

Today I had my fourth blood test, which should tell me whether I'm ovulating on my own or not. I know that even though I'm not super hopeful (since it didn't work last time we drilled the ovaries), I will still be super disappointed to find out I'm not. I'm also not looking forward to having to make a decision with the husband about possibly starting a new cycle of treatment.

As much as a new cycle of treatment brings new hope, I only have three more rounds funded of this FSH-injection-treatment. I am thankful I have three, but I also feel like I'm slowly using up all the chances I have at getting pregnant, and I'm scared to have to strike another one out. The fear is so overpowering!

Yet I know we will try and we will come out of it somehow, like how we've survived the last couple years.

Since it has been winter, I've thought about how hope is like the warm spot in the house or on the couch where the sun shines in from the window. The snuggly sun-kissed spot where we want to sit and catch the soft rays instead of being in the chilly corner. (Cats seem to know about it particularly well.)

For me, the warm spot hits the dining area of the house in the morning where I like to sit and read the newspaper with a cup of coffee if I have a late start. (I love it!)

I long to bask in hope but sometimes it seems like it moves away quickly, especially in winter, on the cold and short days.

When hopes are dashed, and when I get bad news, I get that sudden stale, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. For me I think that is what disappointment feels like physically. You know what I mean?

Yet, the sun will be there the next morning- unfailing, and the night will be over.

So I have to remember that and hang on to that truth:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
 
Lamentations 3:22-23 (New Living Translation)

A Morning to Chill

(I took this photo myself!)

It is a gorgeous day today here in Auckland (i.e. not raining). I am trying to get some laundry done (I'm always trying to get some laundry done it seems!) and have hung some (yummy new) sheets outside, but I may still have to stick some laundry in the dryer eventually.

Okay, so laundry is a big obsession in my life (amongst other things) - where to hang it, cos' I don't have a proper line, and whether to use the dryer or not because will it rain, weather is so erratic around here, the machine keeps getting stuck, do we need a new one, etc, etc... haha, but I'll leave my laundry issues aside for now.

I'm not a huge fan of winter (who is?) and I dread pulling out my jeans when it gets here, cos' there is usually no turning back for the next six months, BUT I do love crispy cold mornings when the sun is out. Even though it is brrrrrrr cold, I love the smell of the early cold or freshness and how you can do a bit of outdoor activity without feeling all hot and bothered.

I have the luxury of starting late on Fridays, so today I went for my first walk-run attempt since before my surgery. BEHOLD! I am intact. I was afraid I might literally bust out at the seams (I even held my tummy down a couple times, as if that would help haha), cos' the incisions still have felt a achey here and there, but it is probably more because they are healing. Anyway, it was mostly a comfy walk and it felt good to do that. And good to know the gazillion-grand worth of stitches actually work.

Ahh... I think I'm just glad I made it to Friday. Somehow, I had a really tiring week. Not sure why. I'm also looking forward to the weekend because it is a long weekend for us (Queen's Birthday) and the husband doesn't have to work on Saturday, so we are hoping to have some fun, like a dinner out together, and he has a plan for us to do some kind of day-trip tomorrow! It is a surprise. Exciting!

I hope you have a good end-of-the-week too. Gonna go figure out what to do with the third load of washing as I'm out of hanging-space...