Oooh Oooh Oooh

(Ok. Still not going strong with the blogging!

ANYWAY.)

I just got told about another NZ-based book about infertility, A Common Thread. Thanks Jill! Finding books written here is so exciting! While doing this, I stumbled onto another NZ blog, Cherished, by Sally who is a mother now via adoption and fertility. As well as Thursday's Babies, a sort of prayer network/ministry started by some ladies here.

Looking forward to looking into these!

Miscarriage Link

Here's a post about dealing with miscarriage that my friend Steph shared. There are no rules for how to go through it, but is helpful to hear how different people deal with it... some things I connect with in here too... 
The Baby I Never Knew

Oh ya

Saw 
this post 
the other day. On adoption and waiting. Talk more later.

Book!

I haven't read this book yet but I spotted this in a local magazine.

It is called Baby Gone by Jenny Douche and it is a NZ-based book to do with personal stories of infertility, loss, etc. Kinda neat that it is from here- something I've been looking out for. If you've read it, let me know- might order it too... Here's the publisher's description.

Infertility- Links

Here are a couple posts I came across recently.

8 Ways to Support an Infertile Friend
- a simple and quick list, maybe something to share with others?

Seven,
- a post about seven years of dealing with infertility... so well written.
- from Life As Two

Loosely Accurate General Preg Timeline/Milestone Info

A couple friends/family members have asked me when the main 'milestones' are in terms of pregnancy... like when would we know that everything's ok.

And generally, you can't be sure at anytime really, until the baby is born and you can see him/her, and the docs can check things, but I thought some of this info might be helpful. May be boring.

Those who know me (will laugh and) know that even though I'm a detailed person and have sat through many fertility appointments, when it comes to regurgitating certain info, like medical things, I pretty much zone out, so this is probably filled with incorrect terminology and slightly watered down science.

week 1
From week 1-8, they call baby 'an embryo'.

As a general rule of thumb, you start counting 'weeks of pregnancy' when your last period starts. (I know, I've always found that interesting cos' that is before sperm-meets-egg, but it is actually neat to think the whole process starts with the follicle/egg growing!)

week 2
End of this week is roughly when most ovulate (but it varies).

I don't take for granted that many of us struggle to even make it to week 2. IF-ers pray for good follicles here and may get an extra 'trigger' boost to make ovulation happen.

Yes let's just spell it out, this is when you want to be having sexual intercourse if you are trying to have a baby.

week 4
This is when your period may be due, and about the earliest anyone realises they are pregnant. IF-ers on fertility treatment often do a blood test here to find out after the dreadful two-week-wait.

week 6
IF-ers (and sometimes those who have suffered a miscarriage in the past) often have an ultrasound scan here to try to detect a yolk sac and heartbeat- heartbeat may not be detectable yet here. Some also scan around here for 'dating' if you don't ovulate regularly.

week 8
From about here or 9 weeks on, they call baby 'a foetus'.

RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) types may have another scan here to check on the baby. They may also be having regular blood tests every week since finding out, to track pregnancy hormone levels are rising like normally should...

I'm not huge on relying on stats, but overall, if a heartbeat is detected here, they say it is a 97% chance that you will carry to term.

week 12
This is the end of the first trimester. Losses that take place in the first trimester are called 'early miscarriages'.
(Again, stats don't mean a lot to me personally, but they can be helpful...) If you make it here with good bloods and good scans, they say the risk if miscarriage it no more than 1%.

For those on the more normal end, this is when you have your first scan. (You may also have the 'nuchal' option to the scan which is when they check on the probablility of your child having Down Syndrome.)

That's why, for many, they announce their pregnancy to the wider public around 12-14 weeks.

week 20
Those under specialists may have been doing scans more often, but overall, you have your 'anatomy' scan around here, when they check on the baby's organs and how they are functioning, etc.

Many also find out the sex of the baby here. Or not. (We are hoping to!)

Losing a baby after the first trimester and before 20-ish weeks is sometimes termed a 'late miscarriage'. (Note:  light bleeding in the second and third trimester is often caused by other things, not necessarily because baby is in trouble. )

If the baby dies after 20 weeks (some sources may vary), this is called a 'preterm birth' or a 'stillbirth'.

week 24-25ish
This is the third trimester.

Some babies born around here survive so they they reach a stage of potential viability. (Some countries will register a baby born here as a birth.)

For many, reaching this is another big milestone.

week 30+
There's another scan around here to check on the placenta, position, etc.

[Probably missing some good info here... blah blah...]

week 37-42
Pregnancies last around 38 weeks. So 37-42 weeks is when people usually expect to have the baby.

Ultimately, making it here would be fab!

Five In One

Okay so the problem with not keeping up with blogging is that there starts to be so many things to say! Today I'm going to list- just to 5.

(this star has 5-points too. i know. deep.)

Stick with me people, there's some exciting stuff to be shared! Warning: lots of links so be prepared to right-click and 'open in new tab' (hopefully haha), lots of things relating to Christmas. (If you don't have the stamina for this list today, at least read point 1!)


1. CELEBRATION TIME! Grace and her husband at Chois-R-Us who are adopting have finally finally gotten their call to go to Korea.

She has been waiting for her son to come home for so long. Many of us have been waiting with her. She is a fabulous blogger and never fails to make me laugh. I'm just so stoked for her and her husband that their journey to bringing their dear boy home is at a final stage. Praying that things continue smoothly from here on and there are no hiccups. Woopwoop!

2. SHOPPING IDEA. Online shopping can be so good. Through Grace, I found this blog by Kelly- Life with Briar. They have also adopted and this blog is about life with their daughter. What's also fun is that Kelly makes crochet hats, clips and other fun accessories! Her Etsy shop is called BriarClaire (and I've already bought a couple things for my nieces overseas hehe).

3. CHRISTMAS. Christmas trees are going up all around us! Have you done yours? For the first few years of marriage, the husband and I delayed getting a Christmas tree because we (like many other couples) thought to wait until we had kids.

About a year into our infertility journey, we realised we could be waiting for a long time... so we decided to 'stuff it' and get a tree. I love that we made that decision to start enjoying what Christmas is about (like not simply about children) and creating our own traditions with or without kids. It was actually also good for us because it reminded us that we are a whole and complete family unit even as two.

4. IF AND CHRISTMAS. For those dealing with infertility or loss, Christmas is a hard time because there are so many reminders of things we are waiting for or miss. What are some aspects you struggle with? How are you coping? What are some ways you've found that help?

I don't have any great thoughts right at this moment but I'd love to come up with a 'guide' so if you have any ideas let me know.

Here are a few links that have caught my attention:

• Stirrup Queens wrote a post a week ago, 'Fire and Ice', thinking through whether to go to possibly-difficult baby-related events or not... not totally related to Christmas but sorta is... and is interesting.

• She's also got this popular older post that is a Holiday Survival Guide for IF-types that is pretty funny in parts.

• My recent favourite The Nester writes this post about doing less and enjoying more this season- not related to infertility or baby loss but something to think about for those like me who can tend to make life more complicated than necessary sometimes! 

• (She also has awesome ideas for wreaths and other 'crafts' if you like that sorta stuff. See the bottom of this post.)

• Beckie's Infertility Diaries posts about how it is so easy to think other people have had an easier time when maybe they didn't. TOTALLY.  Overly beautiful pregnant women, sweet happy families with tons of kids, perky parents of newborns, um... yup I'm horrible I know I know. But how many times have I walked past with so much seething envy? ALL based on assumptions that it was a smooth ride for them, when I have no idea. This, unlike me sigh, is a sweet post. 

5. BODY STUFF. On quite a different note, after a Christmas meal or not, I often struggle with dealing with how I look, and weight issues, my imperfections in general etc.

I waste a lot of precious energy concerned about this stuff and am continually having to go to God about this. I've come a long way but this has been a life-long thing for me- and probably will be.

This post, 'The Scale', at (in)courage is a good reminder, as when we let our minds get too preoccupied with 'fat or not fat', 'heavy or too heavy', 'eat this or not', not just are we doing damage to ourselves but also to others who see us as an example- daughters, friends, those we mentor, other women around us etc. 

This topic really gets me going so I can go on about it for a while, haha, but I will leave it for another day! 

So that's me for now. Hopefully not too long until the next post.

Married for Six Years!

(not us. stock photo.)

This past weekend, the husband and I celebrated our 6th year wedding anniversary. Woopwoop! We had breakfast together (at McDonald's haha) and also had a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant.

We have also started this random tradition of getting a gift for each other only on the day, where we go to a mall, set a budget (this year it was $20 each) and a time limit and go find a fun gift for each other. We wait (this part is his idea not mine!) until we get home (painful) and then we exchange it.

I think it came out of relieving each other of the pressure of getting anniversary gifts, figuring how much to spend, what to get, getting annoyed if one forgot haha, etc. Especially because our anniversary is pretty close to Christmas and the husband's birthday, this has been a fun activity we can do together and on the day of the anniversary itself.

This year the husband got me a lovely ornament from Redcurrent (very pretty store, love it) and a home decor magazine that had heaps of Christmas ideas in it (ahhh! Too many ideas now!), while I got him a Mini magazine (like the Mini as in the type of car) and a big bag of lollies/candy cos' his magazine was a special import from the UK and sorta used up most of the budget haha.

So here we are six years on. Crazy! It has also been the American Thanksgiving (even though we don't really celebrate it here in NZ some of my American friends do) so we've been thinking about what we are thankful for.

The husband and I are thankful to God for:

- good support from people around us this past year, like a counsellor who has given us his wisdom and time for free!
- a great team we work with who have been flexible with us and given us lots of grace when we need it...
- a marriage where we are each other's best friend and we enjoy each other's company
- a marriage that has endured some unexpected things like job dramas, grief, medical things, infertility, etc, yet remained on the same page on the whole,
- things He is continually doing in our lives that we don't have control over (ugh have to say I love/hate it!)
- to be honest, just overall survival of another year.

On another note... today I spotted a couple posts on (in)courage that were neat.
Here they are:

- Staying Sane this Christmas (I need this because this year I'm a bit overwhelmed by how fast it has come by!)
- The Depth of an Empty Womb (I know each of us is at different places in this journey, and this author feels like she can 'see the light' and while not everyone may feel like this yet, it is still a good reminder to focus on God's promises... even if we don't feel like it!)

Ten Things at 10 am

Today I'm starting at 8:30 am because maybe by 10am I'll actually be ready to post haha.

1. I had a wonderful time in Dunedin. It was great having a couple of days away from 'normal' life, spending time with my friend P, and checking out the little city. It was beautiful weather too which was a huge bonus as it can get cold down there!



One of the highlights was visiting the Cadbury factory... CHOCOLATE! Even though some of the original products are no longer made there, they still make lotsa fun stuff like the boxed chocolates and easter eggs. It was a fun tour and you get chocolate as the guide takes you through. yum.

(pointing is a bit off... )



(us in the sugar bowl... this is my fave pic!)

2. I've been thinking about how to explain infertility to others in a short and sweet way (if that's possible)... because I am giving a notice at church sometime soon to tell them about the church's desire to have a support group or network for those struggling with infertility and/or miscarriage loss. This is huge for me because those who know me know I'm not at all an upfront person, plus I'm pretty much baring my all by being up there!

However, I'm so thankful for this opportunity as this is something I'm excited about, but kinda freaked out at the same time. You can pray for the right words to say in that short time (like 2 mins), so that women for whom this is relevant to will feel safe and comfortable to maybe respond or at least feel cared for, and also that the rest of the church will gain bit more insight into this topic. Also if you have any good quotes or ideas, let me know!

3. Another blogger Heather posted about this video, Empty Arms. This has been on my resources page too but I thought to post about it again because it is just a really well done project.

It is a video that explains infertility so well... if you haven't seen it I encourage you too- there may be tears though! I also like how Heather puts it in her post where she said, "You guys all know that we are adopting, and though that is seen as a "resolution," the stamp of infertility on our hearts will never truly go away." I think she says it in such a succint way.

4. I have thought of posting the above video on my Facebook page just for some friends who may be interested to watch it or pass it on to others, but I'm still not really sure about it! As much as I have been super open about my journey, I also don't always know how much to say about infertility/miscarriage stuff on Facebook. Funny huh? Hmmmm. What do you think?

5. When I was in Dunedin I met a girl who'd been in foster care. It broke my heart to hear that her mom for various reasons was struggling to cope with her kids, and had to give two of them up to be taken care of by another family. This little girl was now back with her mother, but her brother is still with the care-giving family. What a mess. I am not here to judge but I'm just saying it was simply so impacting talking with this real life child who was in the midst of this. I don't dare to imagine the impact this is having on these children.

As the husband and I have been thinking through these situations linked to adoption, etc, it just really hit home and I wondered if God was just nudging me to slowly open my heart to the various ways I can parent one day, even if it is not conventional... not sure yet, but it was a conversation I'll remember!

6. Summer is on its way... so that means strawberries! Yay. Looking forward to more.

 7. Aren't peonies just so beautiful? I wanted peonies for my wedding but we couldn't get them at the time. They are such gorgeous flowers huh! These were some we spotted when I was down south.

8. Sammy's chicken-legs stretch. See what I mean?

9. About a week ago I finally finished lining some of our room curtains. Yeah I sewed the lining on by hand cos' it was quite thick and I'm not so used to how machines work still. Felt very accomplished. Um... think I've had this project on for like way too long! Anyway, very relieved to be finished. We haven't put them up yet but we'll get there hopefully haha... 

10. Rocky Road- Snickers RR on the left, and  and newly discovered Cookies 'N Cream RR on the right. I found the 'original' Snickers recipe in a Women's Weekly Cookbook (great books). They were an instant hit with the girls.

Recently, I stole some inspiration from my friend K and made this Cookies 'N Cream one. So awesome. These are great treats for bringing over to parties or as gifts! Let me know if you want either recipe. (Sometimes I take a while to email you but I do do it eventually haha...)

Thanks for reading! Have a great day.

(oOPS. We were cleaning as I typed this off and on. Now it is 11. ha.)

She Said It Better - Some Stuff On Loss...

I noticed while looking around online the other day that October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day in the US! What interesting timing, as this topic had just been particularly on my mind too...

Today's post looks a bit long but I'm sharing couple links and a thing that I copy-pasted... If you skip the links, do read the copy-paste bit below, as I found it pretty powerful.

I'm thinking a lot around the idea of life in the womb... I have found it so difficult to get my head around it. Like I do believe life starts at conception, but when it is your own and when you miscarry at an early stage, like five weeks, it is just hard to know what to think of it or how to feel... because it seemed so unreal.

Anyway, there were a couple of good posts that came up on (in)courage again that made me confront this issue a bit more. They are not actually about miscarriage, so not directly related, but at the core of it these women would've had to sort out their thoughts too.

• She Made Me a Mommy With Hope, by Teske Drake- She carried on with her pregnancy knowing the baby was not going to do well...
• Face to Face, by Heather Gemmen Wilson- She had one of her children as a result of rape... and has faced judgement from others...

Both women have gone on to impact others as a result of their experience and it is fascinating to see what God has done with it.

If you have gone through miscarriage and pregnancy/baby loss (or are friends with someone who is) I hope the following is encouraging to you too. I know it may be really hard to read but it spoke to me deeply and maybe it will to you too.

This is from a 'Double Daily Portion' email that I get from Sarah's Laughter (a resourcing ministry for infertility/loss). The writer/founder, Beth Forbus, is gifted at writing from a biblical and empathetic perspective. I have found it hard but soothing to read. This was sent out specifically for this week to acknowledge October 15th.

************************

Why does it hurt so badly to lose a baby? Even one only a few weeks post-conception? The answer, my friend, is actually pretty simple. That tiny, little baby—even if he or she was no more than a few cells—was created in the very image and likeness of God Almighty! Oh, the preciousness of this tiny little creature! For a short time, your mortal frame, or that of your spouse, housed the very image and likeness of God Himself.

We can only imagine what God looks like. We are told in Scripture that if we were able to look at Him with human eyes that we simply could not take it and we’d fall dead (Exodus 33:20). However, He found a way to give us a glimpse of Himself. He created us in His image and in His likeness. Not exactly like him. He may not have green eyes and brown hair like me, but I’ve been created in His image and His likeness. Your baby was too, and this makes your baby precious. Oh, the unfathomable worth of the child who has God’s fingerprints all over them!

God even says “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you”. He doesn’t saunter into a delivery room and look as a newborn takes its first breath and say “Thanks, doc. I’ll take it from here!” Birth is not a prerequisite for God’s protection, God’s love or God’s involvement in your baby’s life. Before your baby was conceived in your body, he or she was already conceived in the heart and mind of God. Before you loved your child, God loved your baby. Before you prepared your nursery, God had already prepared a place. Before you knew you’d lay down your life to save your baby, God laid down His life to save his or her soul. God never planned on waiting until your baby was born to know and love your baby.

God still loves you. Even though He has allowed you to walk through the devastation of miscarriage. He offers you His comfort and His healing. You can pour out your heart to God and He’ll understand. When friends, family, and even your spouse can’t bear to see your tears anymore, God has incredibly broad shoulders for you to cry on and strong arms for you to fall into. Lay your head on His chest and hear His heart beating. A heart that broke just like yours has.

As you find comfort in the bosom of Love Himself, don’t forget to look into His eyes and see the promise of a heavenly and eternal reunion with your child. One that will not end in miscarriage. No SIDS allowed inside the gates of pearl! No stilled heartbeats. No blighted ovums. No spontaneous abortions. No grief. No sadness. Just an eternity with the child you’ve held in your heart so much longer than in your body! And an eternity with a God who loved you enough to orchestrate the death of His only Son to provide a way to reunite you with your child.

There is no doubt that Heaven will be an incredible place that defies the description of man. Never in our wildest imagination could we begin to come close to imagining what God has in store for those who love Him and have received His gift of salvation. Psalm 127 tells us that children are a gift and a reward. If you are a Christian, your gift is unopened, waiting for your arrival in Heaven. What joy your heavenly reunion with your child will bring! Perhaps the only place you ever saw your baby was on a positive pregnancy test or on a stilled sonogram screen.

Child of God, you will see your baby one day! You’ll see the expressions on their face, smell their fragrance, and hear that precious voice in the place that God has prepared. Was a hospital room the only place you were ever able to hold your stilled child in your arms? One day, because of the sacrifice of Calvary you’ll explore together all that Heaven has to offer. For the child of God these are great and precious promises.

Not only are you assured an eternity with the baby you have loved and lost, but even more importantly, you will be with the God who loved you enough to sacrifice His baby to allow you an eternity with yours. All you have to do is accept His salvation and with a joyful, redeemed heart join Him at His home. He—and your child—are waiting for you there.

(c) 2008 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss

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 If you think these words may also comfort someone else you know... do send it on!

Thanks for reading...

No Simple Way Around It- Miscarriage Realities

(Magnolia- pic not really relevant to post but I just love magnolias! So pretty.)

This past week a friend went through a hard time. Even though I've been through some stuff similar to her experience, there is nothing to say that will make it better. I am still helpless. So sorry, girl.

I'm thankful that I had the week off so we got to hang out for a few hours one afternoon. I feel priviledged that we got to have some good conversation, even in the sadness. We connected on quite a few things, and even though she has appreciated that I am able to be there for her (and I'm so glad), in an odd way, it was actually like she was there for me also, dealing with my stuff too.

Here are things I'm learning after thinking through my own early miscarriages/pregnancy loss (before 12 weeks, because that's what I know about)... I know not everyone goes through the same thing, so I understand if it doesn't ring true with everyone.

1. Usually it is easiest to blame yourself- even I didn't say it, I thought it. Like thinking, I skipped rope before I found out, I ate that weird thing, I was too hot, I had that sip of wine, etc. NO YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT. (Unless you abuse your body in an obvious way like with drug addiction, reasons for early miscarriage are still not medically clear and they don't know how to prevent it. Don't let others or old wives' tales tell you otherwise.)

2. It is hard to know how to think about the little life that was in you. It is easier to think of it as a vague entity, but it was life. Yet we think it wasn't 'fully' a baby, so how do we acknowledge it? Sometimes it is easier to not think of it as your child, but it was. It was wanted. It was God's creation. (Safe in the Arms of God looks at the biblical basis of this if you want a book on it, by John MacArthur.)

3. It affects your marriage. Wives and husbands deal with it differently and it is not easy to know how to communicate about it. I feel like sometimes it is the whole 'circular effect' of not wanting to hurt the other spouse or see them cry, so we either don't bring it up or try to be brave and bear with it, but we end up avoiding it or miscommunicating somehow... (There's lots of resources on grief and the impact on marriage too.)

4. It surprises you how lost you feel. You didn't realise you could be attached or feel love for something you had not seen, met or, in some cases, felt.

5. Morning sickness may continue after the loss... and this is a difficult physical reminder.

6. There is shock because it all unfolds fairly quickly. You were pregnant, now you are not. What are you going to do with the plans, real or vague ones, that you made?

7. You kinda don't want to make a 'big deal' out of it but it rocks your world. For some just a little, for some a little more. There are now a lot of "What ifs". What if I get pregnant again, what if I miscarry again, what if... It may also bring out other insecurities, like what if all your friends or sisters 'over-take' you and become moms before you, have their second and third children even, etc... that is normal. There are no easy answers to these, just continue to bring them before God.

8. You don't know what to tell people- if you've been away from work, if you've already told some friends about your pregnancy, if you need to tell your mother she isn't going to be a grandma etc.

9. You don't know how others will react and you can be sensitive about comments... we brace ourselves for the comments that may be awkward, or make us feel angry or like it was our fault. Hopefully none come.

10. There are lots of questions for God, and not always sufficient good answers. You try not to think about it too much but you sorta can't help it either.

11. Time will help the intensity to ease. There may always be random things that will always remind you of your pregnancy and the loss, and this is normal so don't feel silly, and it does get easier over time.

12. It makes you so so so thankful for loving friends and family. Some may have been in the same position too and some not, regardless of that, their encouragement and support means so much and you realise how much you need them. If you have kept it all very private, sometimes it does help to share it with a close friend or family member whom you trust.

13. It helps to 'let it out' somewhere. For me, I have a journal where I 'write to God'. Some days I had lots to say to God and some days I didn't-  I write sad things, angry things, glad things. Counselling also provided me with good guidance when my grief seemed to be quite overwhelming or when it was affecting me in a way that was more than what close friends and family could help me with. Going for a walk and listening to music or just letting yourself weep was also fairly therapeutic.

I found this book, Free to Grieve, by Maureen Rank, good too. (They had it at the North Shore's Albany Library...)

Links and Things- Article and Clip

Here are a couple links that have popped up on other blogs. Thought you may be interested.

This is an article from the women's magazine SELF (U.S.), 'This Woman Has a Secret', which I got from Untangle Me. It is about the silence surrounding infertility, both personally and socially/politically...

This is not specifically about infertility but still interesting- a short video of an interview with the first baby (now an adult) born through IVF. It is about how her life has been a source of fascination to many... from Beckie's Infertile.

On Monday, I watched the short doco on Jay-Jay and Dom's IVF attempt again but this time with the husband- from a previous post. We are still working through our thoughts about IVF and it was cool to watch it together. Overall I think it was really because we totally know how they feel! Hope and frustration tangled in one big web of intensity. Lots of tears again.

It was actually also good preparation because I was going to the clinic for a procedure and it was helpful to see someone else's experience- not the same but similar. I could visualize what was going to happen.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I know my last post was quite full of grrrrrrrrr-ness.

If you wanna know... Basically, I'd produced too many follicles/eggs for just the 'usual' ovulation induction plan to continue... so we had to go to the back up plan, which was to aspirate/remove extra eggs and because that makes you sore, it was then best to proceed with IUI.

So I've done my first IUI. Yes, I'm slowly working my way through every possible fertility treatment available possible. I think I'm ruining my good doctor's wonderful track record... haha.

Thankful for drugs that make you groggy (love it cos' then you don't realise the position you are in) and the husband who was by my side. I'm doing well now- some crampy pain but nothing bad.

Now we wait.

Thanks for Airing

This morning I watched a doco about Jay Jay Feeney and Dom Harvey, local DJs who are husband and wife and have been trying for a baby. Some friends had seen it and told me about it- they warned that it'd be hard so I left it for a couple days before I watched it. They made a documentary on their fourth IVF cycle. (It was aired on 'Sunday' on 30th of May. Click to watch it but I'm not sure if non-NZers can view the video. Sometimes the TV people limit it to locals...)

I'm sorry that it did not have a 'happy' ending but I have to say it outlined the journey so well. They also braved the cameras and shared all the emotions that the husband and I have felt too, even though we haven't done IVF before. I think all fertility treatment cycles carry similar emotional impact. I watched it as I ate my breakfast and was trying to shove the porridge in my mouth before it got more soggy.

I just appreciate that their vulnerability would've been so hard. For us, sometimes the fact that friends and family know that we are trying can be bad enough, let alone the NZ public. We want them to know because we need the prayers, support and care, but it can be so difficult too because your lives and dreams are just right out there, and as especially when something goes wrong, there is such a sense of wanting to be alone in the grief and sometimes even a strong sense of failure.

Yet openness helps us all to learn from each other and empathise, so it is a funny tension again. I think airing it on TV also helped everyone have a bit more of a realistic idea of what's involved with infertility and treatments- in this case, IVF.

It was just comforting for me to see Jay Jay do the injections, wait for phone calls and react to the various bits of news, as they were all things we have done too. It was also hard but kinda cool to hear Dom's perspective, I think it gave a voice to many husbands out there who are also on this mad mad journey. (Thank you for sharing.)

Tips on Drawing Blood

(No I'm not commenting on any vampire movies or TV shows. Not that they are popular around here or anything. ha... yes they are. )

I've recently been having a bit of trouble with my veins when I get blood work done. They seem to collapse or do something tricky. I'm pretty ok with having them pricked again or done again on the other arm, but it does hurt, and it does get wearying when it happens repeatedly.

You may already know this... Here are a couple tips I've learnt if you have disobedient veins like mine at the moment:

- Drink lots of water before you get to the clinic. Simple but it works. (This is especially relevant for fertility treatment stuff cos' we often have to do our blood tests first thing in the morning, we're already slightly dehydrated from sleeping all night, and I can forget to drink when I am rushing out the door.)

- Bring a heated wheatbag or hot water bottle or something that you can press on the inside of your elbow to heat it up when you are waiting for your turn. It warms up your veins and somehow helps it to 'pop' up. This worked beautifully for me today. Yuss.

Any other tips?

Website- Sarah's Laughter

Another blogger (While I'm Waiting) reminded me of this website I'd come across once before. Sarah's Laughter provides different resources to Hannah's Prayer Ministries, but also provides great resources and support to do with infertility, and miscarriage loss. Jen mentioned this thing they have called 'Double Daily Portions', which are like little devotionals that you have to subscribe to and get sent to you, so I've also started getting them emailed to me.

I've really enjoyed getting them and though they may be sometimes hard to read (so might need to read them in your break if you read them at work, or possibly risk a few unexpected tears!), they have given me great biblical reminders of God's promises to me.

I've found them encouraging and thought maybe you might too?

Article- Infertility: What It Feels Like

Beckie's Infertile recently posted this article, that another blogger also shared (Homemade Happenings). Thanks for sharing you guys! It is a great article called Infertility: What It Feels Like (from Beckie's). You'll find the original brochure here. Might be a great one to share with close family and friends too...

It is from the Ferre Institute and they have more resources/brochures too if you'd like- about both infertility and miscarriage... I like the one about 'Coping with the holidays'. Hope it is helpful for you too.

Quick Update and Misc Things

My doc had a look at my surgery 'wounds' and they all look like they are healing up fine so YAY! Thank you for all the prayers and hugs. I've been back at work this week and I'm still taking it a bit easy in terms of activity but I'm doing well. Haven't had any dramas. Phew.

I've recently updated my 'bookshelf' and 'resources' page. Still a bit unsure about the 'resources' page cos' there are so many ways to do it and endless things I'm sure I could add to it... but that's that for now. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

I know we're probably all a bit over Mother's Day, but here's an article, If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say... for anyone who's interested. Infertility-types have enjoyed this recent article by Nia Vardalos, from 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' fame.

I hope you are having a good week.

Oooh, updates...

Think I'm getting better at this. I managed to add 'My Infertility History' and 'My Bookshelf' as pages, up the top. (Go me!) Also, on the left are 'links to laughter' if you want to have a little giggle- which we probably need more of. (Yes, I'm a little bit addicted to those jumping-jacks-soldiers. Hilare.)