I've wanted to 'take stock' of things I'm thankful for, especially things that infertility and miscarriage have 'taught' me. I know it is easy to just list them now, but going through them is a totally different story... but I kinda wanted to remind myself of things that being child-less or child-free has allowed me to do or learn or appreciate more... Here we go.
1. Today I'm going to a wedding (yup get to dress up again!) and I don't have to deal with figuring out kids or babysitting. (Not always sure about what to do with my hair though...)
2. The husband and I have been married for 6.5 years. The plan was to have kids after 2-3 years. Yet, I love how our relationship has grown in this time and I think in ways we never could've planned, due to being without children. I don't take that for granted.
3. We can do whatever. we. want. with our days and evenings- like go for a drive, eat random food cos' I wasn't organised enough, buy random second-hand things on trademe and go pick them up easily, etc.
4. You can laugh but I think getting Sammy the dog (which I orginally/stubbornly did not want to do until after having kids! Then realised I may not know when I'd have kids...) has been a great transition for us to dealing with children.
Dear Sammy has brought the following... Dirty carpet, weird smells, need to be fed, needs fresh water, needs needs needs, loud whining in the morning, high need for attention, needs a sitter if away from home for too long, needs telling off, etc, which is good for someone like me to get used to.
5. Having been through fertility treatment and small surgeries, I'm so much more okay with things that would usually be awkward for me (which hopefully will come in handy for birthing oh gosh).
Talking about intimate/sensitive issues, flashing intimate parts of the body (sometimes more than a flash), being poked and prodded, dealing with also bodily fluids you don't want to talk about, etc.
6. We've gotten to spend time (and money) making the house look cool, which is something I enjoy and have really appreciated. I just have so many ideas and am glad we've gotten to do some of them. Things that would take time and effort I probably wouldn't have a lot of if I had small children... like putting frames up, painting things, getting a new couch, weird crafts that get left in the cupboard, etc.
7. I've learnt to appreciate certain special days and holidays more. I think because a lot of them revolve around the idea of 'family' and more so families-with-children, it forces me to re-evaluate why they are important in the first place. Or also to figure out how to celebrate them regardless of the 'children' part- especially ones like Christmas, Easter, etc...
8. As much as I've cried more in the last few years than in my whole lifetime put together, I think we've also been forced to laugh. (Probably still learning that as I can be a hard one to make laugh!)
You have to laugh about the path you never thought you'd be on- sex-within-a-timeframe (uh... honey... the doc says the follicles are lookin'-good... we might need to go home NOW...), injection needles in your cupboard, drugs in your fridge, pelvic ultrasounds with male gynes you've never met and the husband right there too, the fact that you have to PAY money for a chance to conceive, etc.
9. I think I've also gained great empathy for others, especially with learning to grieve or wait or deal with prayers that seem on hold. I am (I hope) more sensitive to those who are going through a hard time, have lost loved ones, who would like to be married but aren't, and of course others dealing with infertility and miscarriage.
10. Lastly, the world takes on a different colour. I've learnt so see things from a different perspective. A hard one to explain huh. Maybe on a deeper-level sort of way. Kinda like a stronger desire to see things from God's perspective and curious about how He deals with the heartbroken... I'm not sure!
Anyway. That's me for today. Better go get ready! (Will try post more photos later!)
