First Post of the Year

How is your new year going? 

I don't think I even finished listening to all my Christmas music... yet here we are! Over a week into January. 

My blogging skills have definitely deteriorated now that my posts are so few and far between. I can't even think of what to focus on. So here we go back to point form.

1. It is a beautiful summer day here in Auckland. 

2. Toby and I got to go to the park and play with all these fun outdoor toys- the local council sets these up over summer and they travel around to various parks, today was the one by our house! He was addicted to a little blue car with a door that opens and closes. He doesn't know how to use his feet to 'walk' the car, to move it, so I had to push. But really we didn't really drive it much. We spent most of the time getting in and out, in and out, in and out. 

3. He is now eighteen months. 18. Getting too big and hard to carry for long. But I want to because he's my baby! Hard to see him get big so fast. Yet awesome too. 

4. Toby and I are starting to have mini-conversations. Like:

T: Daddy?

S: Daddy's at work. 

T: Daddy, har (car), voom (vroom). 

S: Yes, daddy takes the car to work. He works at the gym.

T: Daddy, har. Gym. 

5. Some frequently heard words from Toby these days are:

- Bus, school bus, car, mommy's car, daddy's car, dog, truck, dump truck, big truck, man, post man, bike, hat, van, nee-naw-nee-naw (fire engine), tractor, etc. 

Yes. The transport theme is very strong around here. 

6. We had a good Christmas. Did you?

Our Christmases are fairly low-key since the husband's family is not here, and my one brother too. It is kinda nice and sad at the same time. We like that it isn't too busy, but miss them definitely! We do get 'adopted' into our friends' Christmas celebrations though, which is always a plus. 

We're big on Christmas gifts around here- the husband and I. We know there's more to the meaning of Christmas but we embrace the gift-giving with open arms. Toby got a truckload from various grandparents/relatives/us, and on the whole really liked opening them! 

7. I'm always trying to figure out how best to be focussed on Christ at Christmas and I admit it is not easy with so many things going on. Any thoughts? Let me know. 

8. With becoming a mother, I've found it hard to visualise the year ahead, as with a toddler, it is such a day-today type of living. Not sure if many moms find that, but that's me. 

So I came up with a brilliant idea (I think so) where I've given each of the next twelve months a title/theme. Just like how December is often focussed on Christmas, I've kept some of the 'natural' ones... just added a few more of my own (April is My Month, June is Toby Month, March is Easter Month) and some random ones (Silly Month, Encouragement Month, Try-something-new Month). 

This helps each month be a bit more jazzed up and exciting. Or just something for me to focus on and maybe breaks up all the things I 'want to accomplish' into months, which might actually mean I get some things done? 

9. I also have done something similar for cooking, as like most, I get to 3 or 4pm and panic about dinner. So I've made January randomly Mexican, then there's American, Japanese, etc. Birthday months tend to be what our favourite cuisine is kinda thing... It is not a strict ruling, just a way to encourage me to be creative and try new things/re-do things I forgot about. We'll see if that helps with the meal ideas! 

10. Besides blogging, the other thing I don't do as much now is read. I blame a lot of things, but probably just a me-not-giving-it-time thing haha. Anyway. I'm good at starting books but the real issue is finishing. So. I recently finished a book. Accomplishment. 

I read 'Inconceivable' by Ben Elton. It is a humorous fiction novel, British, about a couple who are dealing with infertility... and the impact it has on marriage and every corner of their lives really. It is super funny but also pretty crass at times! 

My friend gave it to me a couple years ago, and I have to admit I was nervous to read it as I wasn't sure how raw it would be. Plus coming from a friend who had not dealt with infertility and had enjoyed it, I wasn't sure how to receive it. But it was good and there are bits of it that are really sweet and hilarious. Then there are parts that are relatable-to and painful. Recommend if you can read past the crude bits. 

11. I'm also reading 'A Common Thread' compiled by Catherine Sylvester. Which is a collection of real-life stories about infertility, loss, adoption, etc. It is Christian-based, so has a lot of depth and heartbreaking bits to it too. 

I've stayed away from serious infertility books for a while, as they are of course heavy and too close to the heart sometimes, but I always enjoy them at the end of the day, because they mean so much to me. Does that make sense? 

12. I'm also reading 'Run Fat B*tch Run' by Ruth Field. Yes. That's the title. Those British again. 

I know I'm not fat (tricky word) and I already do run (sometimes when I have a goal haha), so I'm not necessarily the target audience for this book. But I was just curious as I had read that a lot of women were motivated by it so I just wanted to know why. It is extreme but I like her sense of humour. And there are a few really interesting/good pointers she gives in it. So far. I haven't finished haha. 

13. Then there are two other books that I've been working on finishing for the past year. My husband laughs at all this. 

14. Okay so if you are still with me, it has taken me this long (13 points and maybe one hour?) to warm up and I'm just starting to get into writing some more sensible and fascinating stuff (we hope). But precious naptime is almost over and I should go. 

15. Any new year thoughts/goals/hopes? I was wanting to talk about some but that'll take me another hour to think about properly and type up. 

Have a great week. 

"So. Big Gulps."

Hello! I'm here!

How many times have I said that?

Unfortunately there has been a big pause. Not that there hasn't been things to talk about. There's never things I run out of wanting to say. I sooo want to keep this blog going but I'm doing a terrible job of it.

If you guys are still out there, thanks for reading. I appreciate you so much. If not, that's ok. I probably won't know.

Last night I could not sleep because I had too much caffeine. If two cups of tea could be considered too much! I'm useless at caffeine I tell ya. I thought of all the things I wanted to do!

So I thought I'd try my best to capture some of that urgency by doing a quick post now.

Life is really much the same. Except Toby is 16 months now. I know. Huge.

He's really chatty and walks fast (can't quite run just yet)... and we love him to bits.

(messy at meals)

(busy busy always busy)

Do you remember me saying I was going to do a marathon? Well I did it! 4 hours and 47 minutes later... I got to the finish line! It was a big day.

 I feel so proud of myself and was so filled with emotion finishing it. I could not have done it without my running-mate KP who did it with me- trained with me for the last three months and cheered me on endlessly. (She pretty much cheered the whole marathon troupe on- we had people stopping to ask her how she had so much energy!)

(evidence that I did run it)

I also could not have done it without the husband as it has been his commitment as much as mine... As well as all my other super encouraging friends and fam. Some of which were there on the day cheering on us from the sidelines. What a difference it made!

(us and our medals and um... free stuff at the end)

And just to let you know I have not done much since. Haha worst 'down-training' ever. My one foot has been hurting so I'm resting it. That's what I'm saying. 

I went to a Coldplay concert on Saturday night here in Auckland. That was my other 30th birthday 'thing', besides the marathon. I spent my birthday money on the ticket and it was (so expensive but) totally awesome. I actually had some kind of awful bug the night before and was sure I wouldn't make it but I did! I loved it. There was confetti, blow-up lanterns, fireworks, lots of colour and they sounded great.

(Have to admit I sorta got nervous prior when I saw that they were coming on stage at 9pm and nowadays I am really trying to get ready for bed by then haha.)

Not to end on a downer but just on a different note, the last couple days have been interesting for me too as I've felt more emotional about the anniversary of one of the babies we lost (today, 12 November, 3 years ago).

This has actually quite taken me by surprise as I really have not been that focused on it. (This is my safe place where I say stuff, so it might seem like I talk about it a lot if you are reading my posts in one sitting ever.)

But God has really shown me His love through loss and I do cling to that. I just find it curious that it doesn't take much for me to feel that deep heartache- such as when I'm playing with Toby and realise that I won't get to know Baby N like this... or a song that reminds me...

Anyway. Bought beautiful flowers today to commemorate the memory. Looking forward to seeing the peonies bloom. Yay!

Life in general is good but filled up with just normal life things! How do people do it? I'm obviously such a terrible juggler of roles. I haven't even showered today- thought that was supposed to be a 'mother of newborn baby' problem! (9pm right now people.)

I think because I do things like run people think I'm a super-mom. Honestly the comments I got from achieving that marathon-goal were of course lovely to get but also a little misled maybe!

Life is messy. My house is messy.

I love it though. I love having Toby and being able to be his mother. Thankful for that definitely.

How are you doing?

Almost a Year Old

Toby is almost one- just two weeks to go!

We fly tomorrow to Canada and the U.S. for 3.5 weeks. I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

Life has been busybusy... but as I walk around my house filled with random containers (good toys), non-sticky stickers and bits of cardboard boxes (good toys too)...  I realise I am living my dream. I have a son. He is getting big fast.

About a month ago was Mother's Day and I got a nice breakfast in bed. And a couple weeks ago we dedicated Toby at church. Our pastor made it very personal for us and it was special. Both were days I kinda half-wanted-half-dreaded but they were very sweet.

Interestingly we dedicated Toby on the due date of one of our previous babies. We didn't realise it till after it was planned! I think God does weird things like that. Maybe just to remind me He knows. He knows and remembers.

And truth is since Toby was born, I've thought about the 'next' child. I try not to too much but I also can't help it! Thankfully I'm not too obsessed with it right now. I want to enjoy Toby and I am!

People ask about having a 'second' and I still never quite know what to say. I don't know if I'm fertile. I'd love another but we all know it is not that straightforward. In my head I have a deadline. I'm thinking we will see the specialists when we hit that deadline- I think.

Anyway. Life is good. We are thankful we are able to go on this big trip to see family and friends as well as some ministry supporters. I hope Toby will behave on the long plane rides. Without shame, I have armed myself with drowsy meds for him if we need it. I'll let you know how it goes.

Toby will turn one while we are in Canada which will be super special. I'm thinking through what sort of celebration to have when we come home and have a little party for our friends and family here. I am terrible because I love ideas but I get overwhelmed with all the details. Grrrr.

Well, back to the packing I go...

Here are some photos.

 (Toby with his cardboard car. Looking a tad homeless with the socks falling off...)

 (We went to the zoo as a little family and advance-birthday activity.)

 (Us at the zoo.)

 (Nap-face. Awesome overalls from Ch!)

(What? There's a Toby in there too?- Us at the mall playground. Can't believe he's old enough to like it. Ahhhh!)

 

 (Monkey and monkey.)

 (Overdosing on blueberries, after having kiwifruit... hehe)

 (Prepping the bath by loading it up with bath toys.)

Bunch of Things

BIRTHDAY

This week I turned 30.

Loved it. I got to have a fancy-schmancy dinner with the husband, and even though the evening went a little weird after dessert (i.e. I got annoyed cos' he told me we had to go home suddenly)... it turned out to be totally worth the slight emotional breakdown because I had a surprise party waiting for me back home. Had no idea.

I admit I am not great at receiving surprises on the outside (facial expression, etc.) and I think I just looked stunned the whole evening. And my brain got fuzzy too- when a couple friends wished me, "Happy Birthday" and gave me a hug I said, "Happy Birthday!" back.  Um. No.

But I was glad. I felt loved and I know there was a lot of work put into it. Thanks!

It was awesome knowing I was cared for and that friends wanted to celebrate with me! Plus I got gifts which is also always a big bonus. Don't all come rushing over to check out my whistling garden gnome! (I know. Quirky gifts probably mean I'm a quirky person. It is ok. I'm dealing with the reality.)

I ended my 'birthday week' (as if I'm Oprah or Ellen or one of those) with a lovely cafe brunch (coffee and a plate of pancakes) with some close friends. It was a sweet week.

I'm not afraid of being thirty. Truth is that it could be easier now that I have Toby. Or maybe because I married someone eight years older- so I'm always the 'young wife' hhahaha. Or maybe it will catch up with me in a few months. I'm not sure.

PRE-MIDDLE AGE CRISIS?

But I have done something crazy. I've signed up for a marathon. Yup a whole whopping 42km.

Today I ran 1.6km. I need to multiply that by TWENTY SIX TIMES.

I have wanted to take on a full marathon but not like now! However when the Auckland Marathon registrations opened, I thought hard about it and figured that life is not going to get less busy nor am I going to get more 'ready' to do it, so I might as well try now.

I'm trying to be as realistic as I can about it. I'm prepared to see the podiatrist, the physio, etc. We'll see...

INFERTILITY AWARENESS WEEK

Veering off to another topic- It has been Infertility Awareness Week in the States (and Canada? Not sure.). And Mother's Day is round the corner for us here in NZ (which is pretty much kinda like inverted-infertility-awareness weeks for some of us)...

So here's a couple links if you feel like a browse:

I liked Every Week is Infertility Awareness Week by Stirrup Queens  as it is a bit raw but touches on how infertility doesn't necessarily have an end for certain people.

And on a different note I love the honesty in this one, The Ugly Truth.

That's me for now.

Here's a photo! Us having gelato after the fancy dinner. (I love my husband.)

Support Group Thoughts

I've had the privilege of running a small prayer/support group at church for those dealing with infertility and miscarriage baby loss. There's only a few of us and we have been at different stages of the journey, yet God has been very awesome at providing for our different needs through the group. 

As the coordinator-type-person I am thankful that our church is sooo behind this and encouraging. I don't always feel like I know what I'm doing but somehow God does stuff. I treasure all the friendships I am able to have though I also wish we didn't have to have this in common! 

Just wondering what you guys out there think about this. Our group is made up of ladies on different journeys. Primary infertility (battling to get pregnant), secondary infertility (waiting for subsequent child), miscarriage baby loss/ recurrent loss, and of course some are now mothers too. 

I like that we are at different places as we need each other and it is always encouraging to learn from each other's experiences, and it all seems to still be okay since we are small, but I also know it can be painful as eventually some will be waiting and some will have children... What is the best way to handle this? How can I do this well?

I know there are no easy answers. But just thought to hear your ideas or if you have had any experience yourself. 

A Day to Remember

Today is the 22nd of February, a day of varied emotions! Our work/ministry celebrates its second birthday, but we also commemorate the first anniversary of a major earthquake that took place in Christchurch and caused many lives to be lost.

At the same time I praise God that a friend who has suffered many baby losses has had some crazy good news, and feel sad for another friend who is riding the difficult rollercoaster of infertility...

Life is so full of mixed emotions and experiences. Loss and life, hope and disappointment. Yet it feels odd that I still did the laundry today, cooked a meal, went to the mall, and am here typing in my safe home. Daily life still has to go on. How does that work?

Toby - almost 5 months

Toby is 5 months in about a week! Here is an assortment of photos from the past few weeks.

The husband is doing Movember (Yes. Like for real.) so we thought we'd have some fun getting mo's for Toby too. Why not make use of some cuteness to raise money for a good cause (Men's prostate cancer and also mental health awareness)?

This is what happens when you have a mother who loves random ideas and sometimes actually carries them out. (They don't sell Reese's Peanut Butter Cups here in NZ, but we like it when we get it brought over- my sis-in-law gave the husband a t-shirt and  I gathered the rest...)

'She said to keep still.'

We always have smiles for daddy!

We have matching work t-shirts.

Thanks Michelle for my baby toy tool set!

Drying off after a bath... He loves being in the bathroom. (We use the big bath now but I haven't figured out the best way to hold him him slipping and without getting an aching back! He's got a bath seat but is getting too big for it... just gotta hold on til he sits up.)

Oooh Oooh Oooh

(Ok. Still not going strong with the blogging!

ANYWAY.)

I just got told about another NZ-based book about infertility, A Common Thread. Thanks Jill! Finding books written here is so exciting! While doing this, I stumbled onto another NZ blog, Cherished, by Sally who is a mother now via adoption and fertility. As well as Thursday's Babies, a sort of prayer network/ministry started by some ladies here.

Looking forward to looking into these!

Retreat Idea

A friend of mine who lives in the US went to one of these recently- a retreat for couples who have lost a child after they were born... so glad she and her husband got to go.

I have been thinking that it would be so good to have something like that here too, including other ones for couples who have gone through miscarriage and also those dealing with infertility. I don't think we have any resources like this in NZ... something to pray for!

Book!

I haven't read this book yet but I spotted this in a local magazine.

It is called Baby Gone by Jenny Douche and it is a NZ-based book to do with personal stories of infertility, loss, etc. Kinda neat that it is from here- something I've been looking out for. If you've read it, let me know- might order it too... Here's the publisher's description.

He's Here He's Here He's Here!!!

My son Toby was born on the 28th of June, Tuesday at 1:23pm NZ time. He weighed 8 lb and is doing so well.

Labour was not good but we survived and we got our baby here.

We are constantly fascinated by this little life that has landed in our laps (quite literally really). We are doing okay but it is definitely a mixture of mad excitement and overwhelming responsibility.

We have a baby son in our house! Ahh!

Anyway. Here are some pics. Talk more soon!

(few hours old!)

(a day old)

(3 days old- first time at home!)

Pregnancy after IF/Loss- Ticking Off My Wishlist (sorta)

I've made it to 38.5 weeks. Who knew I'd ever make it to 'heavily pregnant'?

Think I'm on 10kgs in terms of weight increase so 'heavily' is definitely appropriate. No wonder I'm having trouble getting out of the car, out of bed, off the couch, etc. haha...

ANYWAY. I've been asking myself, "Have I gotten to do everything I wanted to do while being pregnant?"... you know, like when you save up things-to-do for a holiday or Disneyland with a list of things like food to eat and books to read, etc?

I'm FAST getting to the end, and I think so. Here are my 'things':


1
- Wear all the clothes you've been accumulating that you thought you'd one day wear as maternity clothes, or actually are. DO IT.
It has been fun. Though you have to laugh when you start to get sick of stretchy tights or at the fact that I don't fit that well into my maternity jeans anymore- believe it or not, they are too tight when I sit! (Jeanswest has pretty good and affordable maternity jeans.)

2
- Linger while in baby stores and sections.
It was hard to do at first, but you get there as pregnancy progresses (thankful) and it is nice sort of being a 'normal' pregnant woman. Though the silly part is you get tired walking around malls and so shopping stamina isn't what it used to be!

3
- Try not to be apologetic. (That's me.)
If you want a super awesome baby room, go for it! Show it off. You've been staring at that spare room for so long, having it filled with a child's things is so surreal.

($20 change table from trademe and lovely baby basket given to us from a lady at church!)

(baby bunting made by my friend ju! note: photo is deceiving cos' rest of the room is actually filled with random stuff on the floor haha.)

If you want to take lots of belly-photos, do it! We did.

(last week. sammy the dog has started to take part too. he looks a little funny- naked- here cos' his collar is off!)

4
- Celebrate.
As I make my way through this list I think most of them you are iffy with at first, especially if you have been through IF and/or baby loss. That's ok. What I mean is celebrate every day you get to carry this baby, and let others celebrate with you too. Whether it is just with simple things along the way, or a big baby shower at the end, whatever suits your style.

(look at the mad amount of gifts we got! thank you so much.)

5
- Remember the things you wanted to do before dealing with IF/loss made you forget, and do them or consider them again...
For me, it is simple things like thinking about what diaper system to use (though I sort of put that off for now cos' it is a little overwhelming). And random objects I want to buy for the baby one day like gumboots... Or to do with birthing, things you thought you'd try- water birth?

6
- Deal with your Facebook issues haha... (this was personal for me, maybe not for everyone)
You guys know that Facebook can be a source of difficulty for many of us going through IF or baby loss and definitely has been the case for me, so for me I wanted to be careful how I used it during pregnancy.

Yet I didn't want to hold back expressing how God has walked us through this, how thankful we are to be pregnant and to acknowledge that we are being prayed for by many people. (And many overseas friends and family simply wanted to know how it has been.) So... I've done it. I have posted stuff.

This has been tricky and thought I've wanted to be sensitive, I'm sure I haven't done all of it perfectly... but if I'm not sure sometimes I only show certain 'statuses' and 'photos' to certain close family and friends instead of everyone on the list. Of course, it is also just lovely to receive well-wishes and to know others are thinking of us.

7
- Embrace all the baby-baby stuff that you once were allergic to. (It is not wrong.)
I didn't think I would but I have gone on to Babycenter most weeks since the start to find out what 'vegetable' my baby is close in size to. I know it is a random thing to go on for, as Babycenter also offers a lot of other great things about pregnancy and parenting haha, but I've enjoyed it and it has provided a few laughs! This week the baby is like a leek.

Which is very nice and slim. Thankyouverymuch.

HOWEVER, check out the vegetable photo for the next 2 weeks: Watermelon and pumpkin! NO WORDS NEEDED to express how we feel about that.

8
- Do something only pregnant people can. Even if you said you'd never do it...
I have to admit I told friends I'd never do a pregnancy photoshoot because the ones I've seen are so cheesy (please don't be offended) but also, the truth is they have been hard to look at cos' I've been so jealous and envious of those who have been able to take part!

So one day when a sweet friend told me a photography place was doing a session for free, where you also get a couple free prints, I was like, NAH. But then I had a look at their stuff and it was really quite pretty. Plus it was valued at around $300 (wowmama)!

And then I thought, well, if the husband agrees (that'll be a long-shot) that'll help us decide. Turns out, he said yes! And I think we were also both thinking, "When are we gonna be able to do this again?" ... so we went for it.

It was pretty hilarious because we are fairly shy in some ways. Yet we decided to do it and enjoy it. And we did. We may never show those photos to anyone but it was a good laugh and an experience to remember!

Overall, I think I'm trying to say that for us, this has been such a dream come true. Knowing that we really don't know what the future brings, and this may be our only experience of being pregnant for the full NINE months, the husband and I have tried to appreciate and enjoy it where possible.

Thank you God that we have been able to relax in these later months of it and have been able to savour it with help from others.

(have to show off this beautiful baby blanket made my the husband's aunt. mailed all the way from canada. oh and lovely cribset sent to me by my sis-in-law, K, from the u.s. thanks girl!)

Come on baby! We'd love to meet you.

Ten Things at 2pm

1. My baby shower is this coming Sunday. I am very excited about it, yet I'm nervous too! This whole deal is a dream come true. Yet that 'allergy' to baby showers still lingers a little. I'm just stoked that I have friends organising it, friends coming and celebrating with me... even those who are in the midst of waiting. Thanks you guys.

2. Long weekend here (Queens Birthday weekend) so it has been nice. I spent most of Saturday being tired and lying on the couch haha...

3. While I was lying about the house, the husband helped finish off this 'floating shelves and box seats' project that we have been planning for a couple years (yes it takes us a while to get round to it). Love it and love him!

(when we first moved here in 2007... the corner looked like this)

(...then we slowly changed it...)

(...now it looks like this! just need stuff on the shelves.)

4. 36 weeks. I need to do a hospital tour, finish packing my bag and a bag for the baby (yikes!), maybe decorate his room a little if I have time and um... energy etc. Crazy stuff! I think I keep stalling getting the bags packed because it all seems too real and rather scary!

(some days i feel like this. a bit mad-excited that i am having a baby. um... no, nothing to do with me liking this brand of tampons or anything haha.)

5. I have also used one of the baby's waterproof cot mattress protectors (yes dual-purpose! It is a second hand one from my sis-in-law in the U.S. who passed some down. We're so practical it is not funny.) and a towel to line where I sleep, they say to do something like that just in case your waters break while sleeping. Unlikely, according to stats, but why not save our mattress from getting wet with icky waters.

6. As pregnancy has gone on, my bladder is definitely being squished and simply not as strong. Not fun in the night.

7. Thankful for the little group we started at church a few months ago, as a bunch of women praying for each other, to do with infertility and loss... we usually correspond by email but we are planning a get together! Looking forward to it and hoping that God uses us to continue to impact other women around us who may be going through similar things.

8. Been totally craving nasty fried foods and ice-cream... and giving in haha. Hope it doesn't last.

9. The dryer appears to be malfunctioning (ok. definitely not using reusable nappies anytime soon haha!) and some other house bits are falling apart. Bummer timing... Money and time- two things we never seem to have enough of huh- hard not to get frustrated!

10. Where is my brain? If you find it let me know!

(this is me a few weeks ago with a 'delayed' birthday present that i got to open from lovely friends- a beautiful set of china made into a layered cake holder thing! it even says 'april' in the tea cup.)

33 weeks!

How are you doing?

This week I'm at 33 weeks!

GO US!

I don't feel the most fab physically- bit of nausea (taking vitamin B6 to see if that helps), extreme tiredness somedays, back pain when I walk, still having leg cramps in the night (despite my magnesium pills sigh...)! But I know we're doing well and baby seems to be doing fine, so let's try and keep that all in focus haha.

We've prepared the baby room in a basic sense. There's furniture and most of the baby's bits and pieces in there. I still have a bit of organising and clearing-out to do but just will have to do that slowly.

The 'spare' room was always a strong physical reminder for me of the children we were waiting for. Now that we have ACTUALLY been able to prepare it, it is simply quite awesome (ahh!).

Last night we finished our ante natal classes. I think it went well and hopefully we'll form a little group.

I don't know how prepared I feel for labour and post-natal stuff, but at least I have a bit more knowledge now. I definitely feel a bit nervous about the thought of all that pain, but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much because I know I'll just freak myself out- cos' I do that.

There are lots more little things to buy and it is OVERWHELMING how many baby products there are out there. I've got a list but I've sort of stopped 'accumulating' for now as I'll just wait and see what we need and also what my baby shower brings (yes I'm going to have one!)

I'm thankful that we've been able to purchase a heap of stuff second-hand (proud of our bargain hunting skills) and also been given some lovely things already. When I stare at these newborn clothes, it is like oh-my-goodness-oh-my-goodness! (Is that from Annie? I can't remember haha.)

Life has been busy! I wish I was stopping to blog more, but I seem to keep running out of minutes! (Partly cos' I'm tired a lot I think.)

Anyway. Just wanted to write a short update. Don't have any good photos with me right now, but hopefully will post some soon.

Have a lovely mid-week.

P.S. Usually love these updates but this week, Babycenter says the baby is sort of the size of a pineapple right now. A PINEAPPLE! (Talk about a scary visual aid.)

What A Priviledge...

... to have a friend like this.

My friend C wrote this post the other day. She has been my biggest supporter and encourager even though she has not been through the same stuff. I admire her perseverance in trying to understand me and the things the husband and I have been going through.

So thankful for her!

Note to Baby

Dear Baby,

Yesterday I got to see you at a scan! We are at 30 weeks (31 in two days!). It is amazing to think that the countdown is in single digits!


We think we may have a name for you. We are not totally sure, but we have two options in the running. Hopefully one of them will work out for you. It'll be helpful to give you a name, or I might keep calling you 'The Kid' when you arrive, like I have been.


The other night you were squirming around so much that we could see you from the outside! It made me realise how big you are getting and how I will get to meet you soon. Your dad has been able to see that too, and feel you moving, which has been very special.


We have done many things together. We went swimming for the first time the other day. We've also recently been to Rotorua, Nelson, Tirau, etc. (We also accidently walked out the supermarket with some unpaid plastic Easter egg shells that got left in the trolley, that I need to go back and pay for before they post us on some, 'Have you seen this woman?' part of a crime show. Oops.)


We watched the Royal Wedding, which was pretty exciting. Kate's dress was awesome. Though I'm nervous about having a kid that will become a young man, but we'll deal with that when we get there.


I'm trying to be good and eat healthy, but the other day it was my birthday so we did indulge in a few lavish treats around that time.

(me with ice-cream!)

(my friend kp made red velvet cake. beautiful & yum.)

It was also Easter, which made it harder to resist some of the temptations. We got you measured and you seem to be of good size, and not a big (diabetic) baby, so we are okay for now. I have been trying though.


It is crazy to think that the ultrasound could also estimate your weight. It looks like you are about somewhere over 3 pounds now. Which means you probably will still double in size! It already feels pretty tight in there.


Anyway. I'm thankful for your strong and healthy heartbeat. You also seem to be growing nice long limbs. Plus we got a glimpse of you poking your tongue out (maybe?)...


In the meantime we are trying to make space for you, so I hope we will be prepared when you arrive! We have been attending ante-natal classes with other women carrying babies in their fish-bowl-like tummies so maybe you will have friends? We'll see...


Just seems unreal that we have gotten to this stage. At 32 weeks I can deliver you at North Shore Hospital (as opposed to Auckland Hospital where there is specialist care), but of course we want you to 'marinate' for longer.


Talk again soon,

your carrier/mother.

"Is this your first baby?"

(avoid conversation with this woman! she often doesn't know what to say and cries easily! haha.)

When we were at the wedding in Nelson a couple weekends ago, this was a question that came up a few times. I've asked it myself and I really don't mind it as it is just a part of conversation, as what they are actually asking is, "Do you have any other kids?"

But it caught me by surprise when it was asked of me! Because I know the simple answer is 'Yes'. And yet the more correct answer is 'No'. And yet I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, because they really weren't asking for my life-story.

Then again I'm someone who likes meaningful conversation, so I find myself torn and hesitating for a split second, which I'm sure seems weird if you were the 'asker' as you'd think it'd be a pretty easy one!

Anyway. I usually just answer a polite yes, so that the whole group conversation can move on... but last night, I got a little bold.

I was at someone's house and I got talking with one woman. Maybe because it was a one-to-one conversation and we already knew her husband a little, I'm not sure... so when she asked me, "Is this your first baby?", I decided to take the plunge and I said, "Well, you know, this is actually not my first pregnancy, but yes it is the first baby that has come this far along and we're stoked!"

I wasn't sure where this was going to take us but I trust that this was God thing because then we went on to have a conversation about infertility. She shared with me that they have gone through infertility themselves, have not been able to get pregnant, and are currently living life as two.

We didn't get to chat for very long, but it was a major connection point (had to blink back tears), and I appreciate that she opened up. It is a tough topic to be talking about with someone you just met! On my end of course it is always special to share with someone like her that I'm pregnant, as she understands how huge of a miracle it is too.

I'm not sure where I was heading with this post! But I guess I was thinking, sometimes it is worth the risk being vulnerable as you never know, you might find someone who's been on a similar path too! (And it is kinda like a painfully special scar you share.)

FRIDAY!

Every Friday morning it feels like I try to squish in as many things as I can because it is my one morning where I can- I work from 2pm. Then again, because it is a later start, I also like to take my time... so it turns out to be a bit of a funny mixture of things.

(love breakfast! do you?)

So here I am, did laundry, caught up on some emails, some Facebook stuff, read some blogs I follow and hope to write a quick post. Then I hope to get ready, eat and do a bit of mall-walking (just a bit of 'me time', plus I need more stretchy pants for winter, for work, ugh) and then off to work. I'm terrible at getting things done quickly so this is quite a feat.

It is April! I like April because it is birthday month! WOOHOO. And it helps that it is Easter.. PLUS you get a break too. Also, it is not too cold just yet and the sun is still around, which is just fab.

The only sad thing is that I can't be having too many treats, like hot-cross buns and easter eggs this time because I need to watch my diet. Grrr. I officially don't have gestational diabetes (very thankful cos' my mom had it) but I'm a 'borderline' case so I do have to be careful. Not cool. Oh well. Small thing really for a good cause. Sugar-free chocolate, anyone?

I've been a bit out of action because last weekend we got to go away- to Nelson. A lovely beach town in the South Island for a wedding. It was a beautiful and special wedding, and we felt very fortunate to be able to celebrate it with our friends. Yay.

(us at wedding)

(view from the top! nelson is beautiful!)

It has also been a big week because a dear friend just had her baby! She has been a special friend too because she was one of the first couple people I knew who was dealing with infertility too, and it helped SO MUCH to have someone to talk to about it all. Haven't got to see them yet but I hope to soon!

Ok. Bit of a random post. That's me for now...

**1:30pm now. I did not make it out the door early. Posted on blog, did couple things then decided it was all too much effort and I was too tired. haha... so I had a big NAP instead. At noon! Oh gosh. **

A light 10 Things at Twelvish

1. We make it to 26 weeks on Monday! Very exciting. Which means 14 weeks to go?

2. Have been trying hard not to get too shoppy-shoppy-crazy for baby clothing until later... can't help it though. I love shopping! (Bought myself a couple items yesterday. How bad is it that fun clothes make me happy! But I mean, I did find a navy dress with little hearts on it and it was on the sale rack... how can that not bring anyone joy? haha.)

3. Had a long list of to-dos for this morning (Saturday) but I'm only through two things- laundry (not even done) and making dinner (spinach-lentil lasagne anyone?) for a friend who just had a baby- and I'm ready for a nap! Think we will spread the list to tomorrow too...

4. Leg-cramp marathon last night in bed! Ahhh. Not fun. But also have not been keeping up with my magnesium pills so may just be my own fault cos' it is supposed to help. (I tried to cheat by eating a banana and have a magnesium pill right before bed but didn't do much haha...) Keep waking the husband to help me rub out the pain but doesn't always work!

5. Having a fun staff hang-out this evening so I'm looking forward to that. Actually I'm also looking forward to this 'German Chocolate Cake' someone's bringing haha. Have not tried it!

(google images says it looks like this.)

6. Also looking forward to not wearing a uniform out cos' we have a staff t-shirt that we have to wear at work, so I'm missing wearing my normal clothing!

7. **Blog post writing interval- had lunch, folded some laundry, sat around and ate chocolate, etc. **

8. Thank you Lord for dishwashers (ahhh pure bliss!), washing machines and dryers (it has been raining)!

9. Totally not that exciting for most, but exciting for me (and maybe Ruth if you read this?)... I finally bought a pair of pinking shears/scissors (cuts zig-zags) and a pair of fabric scissors (who knew they cost more than normal scissors!). Both of which I will label with bright tags maybe so the husband doesn't cut random wires with it or dog-beef-jerky or something. Bunting-making here I come! (So I say...)

(something like this maybe?)

 

10. This is me (and the husband) after a fun-walk event a team of us did a couple weeks ago (the husband was a driver, it is not his thing haha) ... hope you guys are doing ok out there!