Ten Things... at Ten A.M.

(9:45 is close enough I guess haha)

... I'm thanking God for:

1. Vouchers- we have received generous vouchers from friends. This has been so helpful for so many reasons- dinner out, new laundry hamper, etc. And I love shopping, so it makes shopping better when it costs less.

2. Recovery- I'm good! Waiting for some stitches to dissolve, but otherwise I feel well.

3. A phone call- Got a call this week from CYFs about an adoption information (compulsory) session being brought forward, by two months! Yes. In April they said it was going to be in October- can you believe it? But the other day they called to say there's an opening in August, so we can go to that. So stoked. (I think this is the first time I'm mentioning adoption in a post. This is because we're not fully decided on the timing for adoption yet, for various reasons... we're just starting the process cos' it takes sooo long. Could be a couple years.)

4. The husband- He's sleeping better than he was before, so his general health is improved.

5. Time together- The husband and I were able to hangout for a good part of last weekend. That's always a good thing!

6. Breaks-
BEWARE: TOO MUCH INFO
I have had this issue of continuous spotting since November. Probably due to PCOS, or the miscarriage, we're not sure, but doc thinks it is pretty harmless. I think I have had this constant slight bleeding for like four months out of the last six months- off and on. Not kidding. It has been so frustrating. However, this past week and a half, it has stopped. I am always thankful when it stops because it is such a hassle and such an annoying reminder of my crazy body. Maybe, just maybe it won't resume, unless for good reason, like a normal cycle. Anyway, still thankful for the break.

7. Friends and family- who are praying for us. There are so many people who have encouraged us and have been caring for us these past months with our various 'issues'. Through texts, emails, conversations, notes, gifts, meals, hugs, they have demonstrated Christ's love to us. Very grateful for their time and sensitivity.

8. Comfort living- My dad has a friend who has recently become homeless. Homeless. It is a sobering thought. I know it is not as straightforward as just that. There are so many things that are factors and things that I question. Overall, I'm thankful for a roof over my head and a warm bed.

9. Lollies- I love gummy-candies out of the Pick N Mix bins at the supermarket. I usually manage to walk past them pretty easily but this week I decided to get a bag. Sometimes a handful artificial flavours and gorgeous bright colouring can actually provide a bit of short-term bliss. Fake peach-ish sour snakes mmmmmm...

10. (Non-Gummy) Sustenance- God has carried me through another bunch of weeks- would've been way harder on my own.

Quick Update and Misc Things

My doc had a look at my surgery 'wounds' and they all look like they are healing up fine so YAY! Thank you for all the prayers and hugs. I've been back at work this week and I'm still taking it a bit easy in terms of activity but I'm doing well. Haven't had any dramas. Phew.

I've recently updated my 'bookshelf' and 'resources' page. Still a bit unsure about the 'resources' page cos' there are so many ways to do it and endless things I'm sure I could add to it... but that's that for now. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

I know we're probably all a bit over Mother's Day, but here's an article, If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say... for anyone who's interested. Infertility-types have enjoyed this recent article by Nia Vardalos, from 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' fame.

I hope you are having a good week.

huh?- questions questions...

I had a laparoscopy (ovarian drilling cos' of PCOS) over a year ago. Recently the topic came up with a friend in similar shoes which sparked off some thoughts for me in the last couple days... slightly messy ones and pretty much unrelated to the actual procedure but here goes:

1)
When I had a laparoscopy done, I remember being really stuck on the whole idea that I had to have surgery in order to attempt to have kids naturally. It really stumped me and to some extent, still does. I don't know why this seemed more major than pumping drugs into my system to help me ovulate... anyway, I guess it was just a very in-your-face reminder of my fertility status and all the questions (WHY do I need to manipulate my body so harshly for it to even try to ovulate? You're supposed to go to the hospital to deliver your baby not to have someone drill your ovaries as a pre-cursor to the possibility ovulation which is pre-babymaking, which is pre-pregnancy, which is pre-baby. In other words, a big fat "THIS IS UNFAIR." - Don't really swear but have been very tempted to.) that come with it.

2)
Speaking of questions... As a Christian dealing with infertility, at every step and angle we seem to be faced with the overriding questions- Do I let God deal with this and wait for some special indication? Or do I step out in faith and hope and use the resources (brain, etc) He's provided to make the best decision we/I know at this point in time? Or is the second question pretty much the answer to my first question?

These are common questions as a Christian and are not too bad at first glance, but I've noticed they get more frequent and hard when you are in the midst of infertility stuff... Like when you have a demanding voice on the other end of the telephone asking you if you want to take the appointment for publicly-funded (free, yes thankyou, I get it) day-surgery or not and you only have those five seconds to make that decision.

Oh yeah, sure you may have already discussed it with your husband, but what about work, you know there is important close to the date she's just barked at you, so is that an indication to push it and trust that another date will come up, or what? How long do I clear the schedule for? General anesthetic still takes a while to wear off... Does it matter? Do I tell people? Will it work? What does God think? Was I listening to my own 'desperation' rather than waiting for God's timing? What does the phrase 'God's timing' mean anyway?? Hold on. Also, what are my motives here? The nurse was pushy and stressful. Why did she do that? Should I have said no? I'm nervous. Does it mean I should take a break? How do I know? Yes, that's the one.

HOW DO I KNOW WHAT TO DO?

I honestly think I could list hundreds and hundreds of questions like that, that have popped into my head these last couple of years. I'm sure you could too... and I know there are no necessarily wrong or right answers to most of them... but I just didn't know I'd come to know the famous WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY HOW questions so intimately and be visited by them so frequently. And to have to be making these decisions on what feels like wobbliness... and I think it could be because I'm so nervous about the whole red-pill blue-pill, what if I eat the wrong-coloured pill thing?

Which leads back to another big but basic question,
CAN I TRUST GOD?
(DO I BELIEVE HE LOVES ME AND KNOWS WHAT'S BEST?)

Which, as you probably have figured out if you have been journeying too, is the theme question of most major aspects of this life on earth. And a daily struggle for me. From what I know about who God is and my life so far, I don't need to think twice to know that the answer for me is 'yes', but my humanness doesn't always understand that, as it doesn't make sense to trust someone so wholly.

and so there. I think I'm stopping here.
I wish I did but, I don't really have a tidy conclusion to this post... haha.

I hope you had a meaningful Easter weekend.

Oooh, updates...

Think I'm getting better at this. I managed to add 'My Infertility History' and 'My Bookshelf' as pages, up the top. (Go me!) Also, on the left are 'links to laughter' if you want to have a little giggle- which we probably need more of. (Yes, I'm a little bit addicted to those jumping-jacks-soldiers. Hilare.)