MRI Result

This week I got the call following up on my MRI. It turns out that I have to have another procedure done. Sucks! Totally was hoping that what they saw was somehow wrong. Not the greatest news.

Thankfully I can have it covered by insurance and there is a slot to do it soon. This is good. Thankfully also, I can do it at a private hospital, which is a lot nicer.

As much as I was prepared to deal with whatever comes next, and as much as I'm used to 'negative' news, and even though it is a fairly common and straightforward procedure, I'm not used to it. (How come?) I think I still had a bit of a shock and that could be why the last few days I've just been in a bit of a blur.

Between the husband and I, at the moment, we are a barrel full of issues. I think we are feeling a little bit stuck.

I know God is much greater than my wimpy self, but this is hard.

No. More. Hospitals.

Birthday Present: MRI

A part of me still thinks they put the appointment on my birthday maybe on purpose. I mean, they had the date in front of them and all! And we harassed them pretty bad. Anyway, I take it as a birthday present from the public hospital/health system. Thank you.

So I woke up on birthday morning to rush to the hospital for my appointment. It was more intense than I thought. Firstly it was longer- like over half an hour! Which I'm sure is normal, but didn't think there was that much to look at. And it was loud!

I actually had to recite Bible verses and worship songs in my head to keep from freaking out and to focus on something better- and I realised I didn't actually remember all that much, mainly random things I memorised at school. I think I really only had two or three 'verses' or paragraphs that I repeated over and over. It surprised me! Pretending you are in 'Avatar' only lasts like two seconds.

It is a weird feeling. I knew I was safe, but being in an enclosed space, told not to move, with my eyes shut and loud machine noises in your ears... really was kinda scary. They gave me headphones but they didn't really help with the noise.

Was nice that the husband came to wait outside for me. Well... it is over now. I survived ha. Now we wait for what the docs will say. Sigh.

You Just Gotta Laugh

So I've been all hot and bothered about my MRI appointment (or non-appointment, as it was for the last ten weeks). For me it is an urgent matter because I want to get it out of the way so we can move on. I want to know if anything's (more) wrong with me or not. Then I want to know if we need to do anything about what we find out.  I want I want I want... I want it now!

Anyway... we have continued to hassle them and found out. Guess what?

Of all days...

My MRI is on my birthday.

HA.

Honestly. I'm thankful that I got the appointment. But still... is this good or bad? I don't know. I feel mixed about that! Me and my little uptight self.

But as I'm learning from specific friends, and from this mad infertility journey in general...  you just gotta learn to laugh!

Yay

Finally! I have heard from the public hospital. I am on the MRI list. We don't know how long though but I hope to find that out soon. They disowned any responsibility for messing us around the last few weeks, so that makes me mad. I want to write a letter! But I'm not sure what good that'll do.

Anyway. Thankful that we got that sorted after much teeth-pulling. Now we begin a fresh wait.

Meltdown No. 550 million

How do you have a massive meltdown when you're in your 'break'? A time when you're supposed to be breathing deeply, sane and collected...

I had one yesterday, and there were decent reasons for it (of course! ha). The public hospital doc was supposed to put me on a list for an MRI but they didn't and I've been already waiting eight weeks... blah blah... hopping mad!

But who am I kidding? It was pretty major and oh so ugly. Anger, frustration and  impatience all busting out of me like an overfilled sausage.

I feel silly now, but I was so mad so mad. It kinda surprised me. What do I do? What do I do?

My poor husband.

(I typed 'ugly' into the photo search and this is what I got...)

(...so appropriate for the 'melting theme'. I hope I looked that good yesterday.

And it kinda made me laugh.)