Stuff and Things and Misc.

Just for a bit of fun, and non-seriousness... Here are some random everyday things about me/us/going-ons. 

Toby is now more established on solids. He isn't a massive eater, but here are some things he's tried:

carrots, pumpkin, kumara (sweet potato), avocado, peas, corn, chicken, beef, pork, apple, pear, nectarine, peach, banana, prune, apricot, pasta, rice, oats, egg, custard, zuchinni (or courgettes), capsicum, spinach, broccoli, etc... sounds like a lot when I list it out... 

Toby has a sock monkey that he has to have to go to bed, along with his thumb. It is super cute but also means we have to make sure Socks is around. Now we have two. Thankfully Socks is a Beanie Baby and we found another him on ebay- yay for mass produced toys! 

I got a new USB drive for our photos the other day. Okay for Toby's photos really. I'm paranoid that our computer will crash and we'll lose them. Especially after losing our Christmas photos as I left my camera at the beach when we were on holiday- painful. I started loading them yesterday but I realised that just from 2011 (he was born in July), we already have 6GB of photos! Ridiculous. I mean, given I haven't really gone through properly and deleted the crappy ones... that's still a lot of photos. And I only got a 16GB thingy. 

Camera suggesions anyone? Just a basic easy-peasy kinda one. 

(This is Toby as a 'baa-baa black sheep' but it didn't really turn out great as he kept moving. Fair enough. I'm still proud of my other work where I made him look like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!)

Tomorrow I'm going to get a manicure with my friend C. The husband got me a voucher for Christmas and I'm excited to be using it. Plus I haven't hung out with her for ages and it is much needed. (Only bummer is on Monday I couldn't remember why I had such long nails, as I usually keep them short, so I snipped them all off. Then right after that I realised I was keeping them long for the manicure appointment so they could trim them nicely and so maybe I could maybe get French-tipped ones... OH WELL.)

You know how I like to shop? Well since becoming a mom I've lost all ability to think when I'm in a mall. I think I have so much pent-up shoppingness that when I get to do it, I just don't know where to start. Probably a good thing for everybody. 

The other morning I used my husband's toothbrush by accident. How? I don't know- it was a totally different colour to mine. He's got a new toothbrush now. 

I'm in dire need for a blog design lesson. I did some html stuff at university but that was like seven whole years ago! Ugh. Any tips on where to start? 

Last night I lay in bed thinking about this post, like what to write (yes I do that a lot), but I don't remember what I was wanting to say (do have a writing pad beside my bed for those brilliant moments but didn't use it of course) so that's me for today. 

Have a great weekend!  

Ten (plus one) things at 10PM

I've been wanting to write more about what life is like as a mother. Here's a list of ten.

1. When you have a baby, you are forced to live in the NOW. Someone else said this and I found it so correct. It is a huge brain adjustment!

2. It can get lonely. Not in the socialising sense, but because as the main caregiver, you're the main one your baby needs (and needs a lot) and it is a peculiar thing to experience. You might have a lot in common with other moms but it is still different. I'm not sure how much this makes sense!

3. It is truly hard to think of other things. My brain is full to the brim of things relating to the home or Toby (food, naps, things to do, things to buy, things to plan), and I have to really concentrate (or write a lot of lists) to make sure I'm thinking of the other major things in my life too. Not that we should feel the pressure to be super.

4. But the pressure to be super-woman is there. Some days it feels like you've only done the dishes all day. Or you didn't even take a shower. And you feel like looking after your child was not a good enough achievement, even when you know it is.

5. It is awesome. I have a baby. I have a son. He is growing a tooth at the moment. He is growing up fast!

6. It is a lot of fun learning all the quirks and observing how Toby does new things everyday. It is amazing!

7. Experiencing the 'growing up fast' thing first hand is interesting. There is such a tension wanting your child to grow up yet not wanting them to do that at the same time!

8. I fear sounding greedy but seeing people pregnant starts to get hard again. Or things like talking with new mom friends about how they got pregnant can be painful... because most people don't know what our story was like and I can't expect them to can I!

9. Sadly some days I'm just as critical as I ever was when I see families with a few children. I assume that it has been easier for them than it has been for me. Back to being all about me!

10. Insecurity. With change, my insecurities seem to show up. These past seven months I've noticed that they have. Maybe combined with hormones. Maybe combined with the tiredness. Maybe combined with change in relationships like marriage, etc.

11. On a lighter note, you get to really love some products and things around the home like baby wipes. OH MY. Awesome invention. And cups- stacking cups, coloured cups, plastic cups. Toby loves them so I love them... haha!

Anyway. I know I listed a few things that seem 'negative' but that's not what I intended to do. It is just what's been real for me. I wouldn't change my current situation for anything in the world.

And totally. Feel free to tell me off if I'm taking my mom-hood for granted.

A Day to Remember

Today is the 22nd of February, a day of varied emotions! Our work/ministry celebrates its second birthday, but we also commemorate the first anniversary of a major earthquake that took place in Christchurch and caused many lives to be lost.

At the same time I praise God that a friend who has suffered many baby losses has had some crazy good news, and feel sad for another friend who is riding the difficult rollercoaster of infertility...

Life is so full of mixed emotions and experiences. Loss and life, hope and disappointment. Yet it feels odd that I still did the laundry today, cooked a meal, went to the mall, and am here typing in my safe home. Daily life still has to go on. How does that work?

Toby - 7 mths

Thanks for all your thoughts guys I appreciate them so much.

Toby is 7 months (eeks). Here is a little update and a bunch of pics.

(I LOVE this pic!) We can kind of sit up but sometimes mom looks away and... bonk!

This was our first plane ride... to Wellington for a wedding. 

(Airplane bib was actually not planned!)

We did really good and just slept for most of it- phew. Now we'll see about that long-distance one to Canada in June... 

Camo-stripey pjs.

Eat everything.

Chub-baby legs.

Swimming is a bit intimidating but we're warming up to it... 

Nice to have dad with us.

We're getting good on our belly and now we're lifting our hips too! We can sorta slide backwards.

Happy Chinese New Year Toby! (with grandma)

What to do!

Since getting pregnant (which is like a long long time ago), I think I have been confused about what to do with this blog. I'm sure my posts reflect that too!

My original intention was clear- I wanted this to be a place for me to talk about infertility and miscarriage but also for others to maybe feel less alone by reading about it too.

Of course it has given me a place to write things I would not know how to express in real life too.

Now that I am a mom to Toby, most of my every day experiences are about him or with him. Yet I find myself holding back talking too much about him because I've wanted to keep my original intentions with this blog. Which doesn't really work for a blog does it?

I wonder if I just need to let my blogging reflect that I'm a parent. Like starting a new chapter... though a bit delayed haha (which is so me!)

I guess that's also where the website idea comes into play. I'm still hoping I (and the husband) can be helpful to those going through infertility and miscarriage in some way. I feel like I still have lots I can put into a resource of some sort, especially for Christian women in New Zealand. So maybe that's where I can put all that thought/emotion and experience. Hmmm?

Honest thoughts welcome!

New Year New Thoughts (Kinda)

I'm having trouble catching up on blogs because my desktop computer uses Explorer and Blogger is telling me that they prefer me to use Google Chrome, so my dashboard is not loading! Not cool. Anyone else having this problem?

So I can post from here (using my ipod touch) but reading blogs isn't so great. Sorry I'm so out of touch with you blog friends out there!

I'm having a late start to the year organisationally it seems. Probably just a me-thing too. New calendar not up, dates for diary not transferred, lists of things to do lying around but not compiled into anything useful!

What are some things you hope to see happen or do this year? Big things, small things, etc. Or on another level, What can we also be praying for each other for?

1. Big idea 1 - I have this idea to start a website.

It sort of stems off having this blog, but I want something that's more of a resource for others out there. Something still for those going through waiting, infertility and baby loss but also for their spouses, friends and family. For example I have learnt that many husbands feel a bit lost too... So it could be a place for them to find out how to better understand their wives?

Blogs tend to be more personal, journally and chronological while it'd be cool to have something more topical or question based where it is easier to search for stuff. Hmm. I don't want to replace good resources out there too but I do think we can fit somewhere.

I am so excited about this idea! But I also am a bit unsure where to start! I have thoughts spilling out of me! And er when will I have time? Struggling as it is with blogging!

Praying also to approach it in a way God wants me to.

What do you think?

2. Fitness - I would like to get bit more fit again. Typical I know. But hear me out.

I have been fortunate that my body has managed to resume its pre-preg shape- sort of haha!

But truth is I am not actually fit on the inside as I barely do anything resembling exercise. And for someone like me, it'd be good to have a challenge. So I'm trying to come up with a plan to do something fitness-sy this year.

I don't know how women out there do it! It is so hard working it around Toby's schedule. We'll see...

3. Time with God and prayer life- I really struggle with this. Not that I want to get legalistic about it but I'm so on the opposite end right now.

Specifically, I just have felt very convicted about praying about some specific happenings in my family life in the past few years, yet I haven't acted on them.

I think I also haven't been brave enough because they are hard topics that I don't like thinking about. Yikes. So I want to do something about this.

Ok that's some of the stuff I'm thinking about for 2012. What about you?

(Photos: here is a pic of Toby and I, and some others of him, like with his monkey called Socks, plus one of the summer sky the other night just before 9pm- ah summer! )

MerryChristmasHappyNewYearandEverything

Leading up to Christmas eve I was so sure I was going to fit in a blog post... Now it is two weeks into the new year. We took down our decorations today and I'm finally trying to type out a blog post- from our iPod touch, a fancy Christmas present we got from generous family! We were so spoiled.

How are you?

We had a lovely time over Christmas though it was busy. It was special celebrating it this time with a baby.

I took lots of photos of Toby but I lost my camera with them all in it when we went on a short holiday soon after new year's. A week ago exactly actually. Yes. Big pity party please. ugh. I can't even bear to think of it still.

Anyway I'm going to post this as a test and see how it goes...

Here are some photos I have on here: Toby on his belly in his cot (he keeps rolling over which is great but doesn't know how to roll back!), some lovely Christmas cookies from my friend and her son, and us after christmas morning fun-mayhem haha!

I hope you had a lovely start to the year!

Celebrating

(Thank you Ch for the lovely time!)

These last few days we've had American Thanksgiving (joined in with some friends who are like family), it was our seventh wedding anniversary and today it is Toby's 5th month birthday (is that how you say it)!

SO much to celebrate and give thanks for.

Thankful for all the good things in life like food, friends, mom who babysits, cute movies like Arthur Christmas (that's what we watched on our night out haha), groupon-type vouchers (that's what we had for our anniversary meal- wasn't great but we did have three courses which was fun!) and a sweet baby.

I also got to go to a baby shower of a friend who is having a baby after waiting for a time, and having one miscarriage. We got to know each other via our little prayer group at church! It was a special shower and so exciting. It was also neat to know that the prayer support meant so much to her and her family. God does cool things.

Here are some pics.

I love you despite the mo.

Toby today.

Toby the other day looking a little crazy after testing out some pumpkin on him.

Toby's place setting at his Thanksgiving dinner. (Though he spent most of it on the floor trying to roll around...)

Hanging with dad.

10 Quick Things- will I make it?

So yes I'm gonna squeeze in two posts in a go again! (Here's the other one.)

I used to do this thing called  '10 Things at Ten A.M.'...

It is not 10am, and I don't know if I have ten things but here goes:

1. We are moving along into summer and I love it. It is also coming into Christmas which is fab. I'm excited! It will be special to have a Christmas with a baby. Another part of a dream come true really.

2. I've wanted to make an advent calendar for a while now and I'm hoping to get one done but it is about 10 days before the end of November and I haven't started! (If you're on pinterest too let me know!)

3. I have finally transitioned into wearing some clothing with zips and buttons! I've tried on my jeans- I can pull them on but sitting down might cause breathing problems. haha.

4. This coming Saturday (27th) we celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary! Looking forward to a nice dinner and hopefully a movie with the husband. We're thinking to go to one of those with the luxury seats.

5. I watched 'Twilight- Breaking Dawn' the other day- on the first day it was out. Haha. I haven't read the books nor am I an avid fan but I have friends who are and it has just been a fun thing to do that with them. The husband came along too! It was super cool to go out and do that, even if it was just down the road.

6. Toby has a passport! We are planning to travel to Canada and the US next June/July to visit family as he hasn't yet met his Canadian fam.

7. Having a baby means that marriage is different- redefined? It is taking a bit of figuring out. It is tricky being a wife to my husband and a mother to my child, and both at the same time. And yet having needs myself. I don't know if that makes sense. We'll come back to that another day haha.

8. I am thankful for the husband- he is a great help and I love seeing him with Toby.

9. Did I ever share that my friend Ch was at my labour? It rocked having someone there besides the husband and the mid-wife! She was awesome. We even rung her at 1am and she came soon after. Then she had to say for something like another 12 hours! Blessed to have a friend like that.

10. Ah! someone at the door. talk more soon.

It was my mom. She came to say hi to Toby.

Toby - almost 5 months

Toby is 5 months in about a week! Here is an assortment of photos from the past few weeks.

The husband is doing Movember (Yes. Like for real.) so we thought we'd have some fun getting mo's for Toby too. Why not make use of some cuteness to raise money for a good cause (Men's prostate cancer and also mental health awareness)?

This is what happens when you have a mother who loves random ideas and sometimes actually carries them out. (They don't sell Reese's Peanut Butter Cups here in NZ, but we like it when we get it brought over- my sis-in-law gave the husband a t-shirt and  I gathered the rest...)

'She said to keep still.'

We always have smiles for daddy!

We have matching work t-shirts.

Thanks Michelle for my baby toy tool set!

Drying off after a bath... He loves being in the bathroom. (We use the big bath now but I haven't figured out the best way to hold him him slipping and without getting an aching back! He's got a bath seat but is getting too big for it... just gotta hold on til he sits up.)

Oooh Oooh Oooh

(Ok. Still not going strong with the blogging!

ANYWAY.)

I just got told about another NZ-based book about infertility, A Common Thread. Thanks Jill! Finding books written here is so exciting! While doing this, I stumbled onto another NZ blog, Cherished, by Sally who is a mother now via adoption and fertility. As well as Thursday's Babies, a sort of prayer network/ministry started by some ladies here.

Looking forward to looking into these!

Pics!

(A couple weeks ago I tried to go for a walk around the block with him in the baby bjorn... but he fell asleep!)

(This was me trying to take a passport photo of him. But he was a little too excited so I kept getting these funny expressions. We went to the store to do it haha.)

(This was a recent family pic. Look at his rosy cheeks!)

(So I often find him all over the place in his cot. Here's one...)

(You almost always will find him like this for his afternoon nap.)

(This was us at the Rugby World Cup Final party at my friend C's.)

(Just showin' off my All Black cupcakes. They won they won they won!)

Happy 4 Months!

Yesterday Toby turned four months! Yes four. Already!

I love walking into his room in the morning because he is often chatting to himself and gets all wriggly and excited when he sees me. It is priceless.

He can get very chatty- loud too. It is fun and adorable now, but I wonder if he'll be a chatterbox when he's older. He's his dad's son I guess haha!

We seem to have reached a good spot. He's napping really well and sleeps through in the nights too. I'm soaking it all in before the next 'phase' starts- Solids? Crawling/ movement? etc.

I'm not much off from my pre-pregnancy weight but I can't help but be thinking about it. Maybe it is because summer is coming and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit into shorts with zippers and buttons! So far I have been embracing elastic clothing with arms open wide- pretty much just wearing my maternity clothing.

I am trying to not be too concerned about it but it is often a thought that lingers! Grrrrrrr.

I have to admit. I think a lot about having a second child. I would love for Toby to have a sibling. I was looking on trademe the other day and I found myself wishing I had a need for a double stroller- you know those cool front and back ones.

I don't necessarily want one right now, but I get nervous about the thought that it could be another rocky road to having another, so I get a quite desperate and panicky. It was worse when I just had Toby, but now it seems to have subsided. I feel okay. I feel like I can wait.

I don't know whether we will be able to have a second child but I'm learning to try and enjoy each day I get with Toby as the days do pass by so quickly.

I've also been thinking a lot about contentment. And how infertility stuff revolves around that constant tension of being hopeful yet being content at the same time. A big mystery I tell 'ya.

Toby is a good good boy. I cannot ask for a better baby and I'm so thankful for him.

Gonna post more pics in a next post.

Miscarriage Link

Here's a post about dealing with miscarriage that my friend Steph shared. There are no rules for how to go through it, but is helpful to hear how different people deal with it... some things I connect with in here too... 
The Baby I Never Knew

Growing

I am enjoying being a mother. Already with a small baby it can be unrelenting and tiring but it is also just so awesome to have a child. My own live baby. Yikes!

I wondered if this (motherhood) would change the impact infertility has had on me and I'm sure in different ways it has. However, I also feel like it has actually stretched my heart in feeling more for those who are waiting or dealing with not being able to have kids- because being a mother is pretty special. Like I feel more intensely empathetic.

I didn't expect this!

(Oh but don't get me wrong I don't believe it is the 'highest-calling' as some may put it, as serving God is our highest-calling really, but being a mother is a God-given desire and I feel priviledged to be able to be in this role.)

Anyway. That's one of the things I've been thinking. I'm sure I could've made it shorter. ha.

Here are some fun 'comparison shots' of Toby, from when he was a week or two weeks old (left side) to 12-13 weeks. Crazy how fast they grow huh!