Photosphotos

Hay... so here are some photos from my past few weeks. Not a grrrrrreat selection but it'll have to do for now!

**Lots of baby-ish stuff. Look away if not ready for it.**

(my friend J is due a month ahead of me. here's a diaper cake i made for her baby shower! very proud of myself. oh and yes crazy straws can come in handy if you're a slight hoarder like me!)

(we also did these super cute cut-outs for her shower deco. L did a lot of work cutting them out- go you! if you want to make them, find them here. )

(the husband and i attended a wedding a couple weekends ago. here we are in the church waiting for the bride, who was very gorgeous!)

(here's us outside the church. we don't normally looks so tidy/fancy i promise.)

(my mom recently went to the states to visit my bro. she brought back some goodies for the baby. here are some baby socks i need to wash... and uh there were a set of bibs that include obvious pink ones, to the right, haha... he won't know...)

(she also brought back his first little toy, a monkey. yes, which is funny cos' the first thing i got him was a monkey-theme thing too. probably will be a bit of a monkey. help. )

(some clothes he's already accumulated- little pile of laundry i need to get done at some point...)

(random blow up green cow we got for him. apparently good for agility hahha. and just fun in general. yeah maybe a bit early for this kinda thing...)

(did white laundry the other day- check out the baby's newborn undershirt vs. the dad's shirt...)

(i seem to have lost a belly-pic that we recently took! so... this one has a part of me in it plus sammy.)

34 weeks! Going well. Saw the mid-wife yesterday. Things still all seem fine and he's actually in a good foetal position which is nice too. (Stay there!) Except it makes me pee a lot and gives me backpains here and there haha but overall is a good thing.

Ok. That's me for today. Talk more soon! Happy Friday!

33 weeks!

How are you doing?

This week I'm at 33 weeks!

GO US!

I don't feel the most fab physically- bit of nausea (taking vitamin B6 to see if that helps), extreme tiredness somedays, back pain when I walk, still having leg cramps in the night (despite my magnesium pills sigh...)! But I know we're doing well and baby seems to be doing fine, so let's try and keep that all in focus haha.

We've prepared the baby room in a basic sense. There's furniture and most of the baby's bits and pieces in there. I still have a bit of organising and clearing-out to do but just will have to do that slowly.

The 'spare' room was always a strong physical reminder for me of the children we were waiting for. Now that we have ACTUALLY been able to prepare it, it is simply quite awesome (ahh!).

Last night we finished our ante natal classes. I think it went well and hopefully we'll form a little group.

I don't know how prepared I feel for labour and post-natal stuff, but at least I have a bit more knowledge now. I definitely feel a bit nervous about the thought of all that pain, but I'm trying not to dwell on it too much because I know I'll just freak myself out- cos' I do that.

There are lots more little things to buy and it is OVERWHELMING how many baby products there are out there. I've got a list but I've sort of stopped 'accumulating' for now as I'll just wait and see what we need and also what my baby shower brings (yes I'm going to have one!)

I'm thankful that we've been able to purchase a heap of stuff second-hand (proud of our bargain hunting skills) and also been given some lovely things already. When I stare at these newborn clothes, it is like oh-my-goodness-oh-my-goodness! (Is that from Annie? I can't remember haha.)

Life has been busy! I wish I was stopping to blog more, but I seem to keep running out of minutes! (Partly cos' I'm tired a lot I think.)

Anyway. Just wanted to write a short update. Don't have any good photos with me right now, but hopefully will post some soon.

Have a lovely mid-week.

P.S. Usually love these updates but this week, Babycenter says the baby is sort of the size of a pineapple right now. A PINEAPPLE! (Talk about a scary visual aid.)

10 Things at Ten ish.

I've wanted to 'take stock' of things I'm thankful for, especially things that infertility and miscarriage have 'taught' me. I know it is easy to just list them now, but going through them is a totally different story... but I kinda wanted to remind myself of things that being child-less or child-free has allowed me to do or learn or appreciate more... Here we go.

1. Today I'm going to a wedding (yup get to dress up again!) and I don't have to deal with figuring out kids or babysitting. (Not always sure about what to do with my hair though...)

2. The husband and I have been married for 6.5 years. The plan was to have kids after 2-3 years. Yet, I love how our relationship has grown in this time and I think in ways we never could've planned, due to being without children. I don't take that for granted.

3. We can do whatever. we. want. with our days and evenings- like go for a drive, eat random food cos' I wasn't organised enough, buy random second-hand things on trademe and go pick them up easily, etc.

4. You can laugh but I think getting Sammy the dog (which I orginally/stubbornly did not want to do until after having kids! Then realised I may not know when I'd have kids...) has been a great transition for us to dealing with children.

Dear Sammy has brought the following... Dirty carpet, weird smells, need to be fed, needs fresh water, needs needs needs, loud whining in the morning, high need for attention, needs a sitter if away from home for too long, needs telling off, etc, which is good for someone like me to get used to.

5. Having been through fertility treatment and small surgeries, I'm so much more okay with things that would usually be awkward for me (which hopefully will come in handy for birthing oh gosh).

Talking about intimate/sensitive issues, flashing intimate parts of the body (sometimes more than a flash), being poked and prodded, dealing with also bodily fluids you don't want to talk about, etc.

6. We've gotten to spend time (and money) making the house look cool, which is something I enjoy and have really appreciated. I just have so many ideas and am glad we've gotten to do some of them. Things that would take time and effort I probably wouldn't have a lot of if I had small children... like putting frames up, painting things, getting a new couch, weird crafts that get left in the cupboard, etc.

7. I've learnt to appreciate certain special days and holidays more. I think because a lot of them revolve around the idea of 'family' and more so families-with-children, it forces me to re-evaluate why they are important in the first place. Or also to figure out how to celebrate them regardless of the 'children' part- especially ones like Christmas, Easter, etc...

8. As much as I've cried more in the last few years than in my whole lifetime put together, I think we've also been forced to laugh. (Probably still learning that as I can be a hard one to make laugh!)

You have to laugh about the path you never thought you'd be on- sex-within-a-timeframe (uh... honey... the doc says the follicles are lookin'-good... we might need to go home NOW...), injection needles in your cupboard, drugs in your fridge, pelvic ultrasounds with male gynes you've never met and the husband right there too, the fact that you have to PAY money for a chance to conceive, etc.

9. I think I've also gained great empathy for others, especially with learning to grieve or wait or deal with prayers that seem on hold. I am (I hope) more sensitive to those who are going through a hard time, have lost loved ones, who would like to be married but aren't, and of course others dealing with infertility and miscarriage.

10. Lastly, the world takes on a different colour. I've learnt so see things from a different perspective. A hard one to explain huh. Maybe on a deeper-level sort of way. Kinda like a stronger desire to see things from God's perspective and curious about how He deals with the heartbroken... I'm not sure!

Anyway. That's me for today. Better go get ready! (Will try post more photos later!)

What A Priviledge...

... to have a friend like this.

My friend C wrote this post the other day. She has been my biggest supporter and encourager even though she has not been through the same stuff. I admire her perseverance in trying to understand me and the things the husband and I have been going through.

So thankful for her!

She Ain't Heavy, She's My Mother

Haha. I just wanted to write that title for a giggle. Plus, I'm starting to feel pretty hefty these days. (No, it is not about my own mother haha!)

Some days I'm fine and some days I'm just so wasted. Plus that nausea-feeling is still there. Bummer. Oh well. I don't know how I'm going to carry this load around for two more months but... WE CAN DO IT!

On a different note, it is Mother's Day tomorrow. My mom's away and the husband's mom lives in Canada so we won't be doing much for it in that sense.

I haven't decided about church, though I was fortunate enough to get a sneakpeek into what the service is going to be about (thanks A). I am thankful for that, but regardless of the content, I have a feeling I'll still be bawling my eyes out in the back. I mean, I already do that at a normal service! So we'll see.

I don't know if being pregnant makes this year much different. Here's one woman's take on Mother's Day and being a mom after infertility.

Here's another angle- Mother's Day for a motherless daughter.

And here's one for those who are not quite sure if they'll ever be mothers...

Life is interesting huh. I started this post this morning. Here I am at almost 9pm trying to finish it! In between I emailed a friend who's going through a tough time to do with recurrent pregnancy loss, a dear friend who's going through primary infertility, and I helped throw a baby shower for a close friend. And here I am capping it off writing about Mother's Day.

And oh, on a side note, I thought it was curious that Anna Jarvis, who founded Mother's Day as a kind of holiday, was an unmarried woman herself and had no kids. I guess I just wonder how she felt and also what she'd think if she knew Mother's Day has become a big worldwide thing now.

Whether you are celebrating your mom tomorrow or hiding at home with as much distraction as possible, I'm thinking of you and know that you're allowed to have a wonderful day of celebration, but also if it is a crappy or confusing day, that's okay too.

(don't tell my mom i put this up. that's her with my bro and i.)

P.S. My mom's about 5ft and maybe 50kgs. She's definitely not heavy.

Bust A Myth

It was Infertility Awareness week at the end of April, in the U.S. and 'Bust A Myth' was how many bloggers took part in it.

Here are a couple links to these myth-busting posts if you are interested to read:
1) Giving Up Hope
2) You'll be a Mom Someday- I just know it!

Also, I just wrote a post today on another blog, for where I work. It is about being there for a friend (or loved one) in need. (And you get a peek into more of my world haha!)

Bunch 'O' Thoughts- Baby, Birthdays, Easter

(bunch)

Baby-related thoughts
1. So weird. You spend four years waiting for a baby and now that he's on the way... I feel totally unprepared.

I think my brain has been so centered on how to conceive and keep pregnancy going, now maybe compared to normal women, I have a lot to catch up on with the thought of labour and post-natal care! We'll get there...

2. Feels a bit like a dream. Every now and then, like when I wake up and am lying on the bed, I forget that I'm pregnant. Then I try to get up... and I remember I'm pregnany cos' I can't get up haha.

3. It is just amazing to think that the baby will look like the husband and I. I can't get over this! I stare at the husband and am so excited to see how the baby will resemble him. In our heads, we were prepared for a baby that didn't look like us (adoption) and we're still keen on that one day... but it has been surprisingly hard to switch our heads back!

4. I tried out this ante-natal swimming class the other day. It was so much fun! Only pregnant women (and maybe seniors) have the excuse to goof-off in the swiming pool/ do odd exercises and get away with it. I also got to make a couple of new friends, so hopefully I'll get to know them better...

CELEBRATION- some stuff I'm learning (probably from my dear friend C, and maybe TV haha)
5. Birthdays
Birthdays can be hard. Especially if you are dealing with IF, birthdays sort of stare you in the face like a horrible countdown timer. I know I'm still 'young', but birthdays have begun to carry more weight in the past couple years. This year I loved hanging out with the husband and just having some time to ourselves. (We went to Rotorua. Thanks for house-sitting, KP!) It was great as it has felt so hectic these past months.

Here are some ideas to deal with birthdays... at least for me.
a) Embrace them! Whether quietly or loudly, let it be a time to celebrate your life thus far and think about something else for a while.

b) Make it kinda like some other big occasion- Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year haha etc. For me, I unofficially make it Birthday Week or Birthday Month (yes, kinda like Oprah or Ellen on TV)... do small things you've been wanting to do for youself- bake treats, get hair done etc.

c) Get an outfit? I like clothes. Make a birthday shirt (yes with your age somewhere on it if you dare), or get a fun dress... if you're not into clothes, I've thought of a necklace with the numbers of your age on it or some crafty project to commemorate the specific year. Why not?

(this year i got a polka dot dress as my 'birthday outfit' haha. pictured with mintchocchip frappucino.)

d) Let others do stuff for you if they want to. If someone offers to pamper you with a meal or movie, let them! I loved that I got a cake baked for me.

e) Food- I celebrate with food a lot, and I know many others do, so keep that as a part of the birthday deal!

f) Party- I am not a party-thrower, but a friend recently did one as her birthday co-incided with the Royal Wedding. She had a girl's night and guests came in their wedding dresses or bridesmaids dress, etc. It was such a clever idea! And a great way to have a night of fun.

6. Easter
Like many others, I've 'saved' up ideas in my head on what I'd do if I had kids... even though many 'holidays' mean more than just family activities, it does get hard when it is a reminder that you don't have children.

This year, even though we are not far from having this baby, we had our own little Easter Egg Hunt. Just the two of us.

The weather hasn't been fab at all, so we just got allocated parts of the house, the husband hid the pink and yellow eggs (for me) and I hid the green and blue ones. Sammy the dog had a hard time figuring out what we were doing! It was a short hunt as it was just indoors, but it was still a little burst of fun and silliness. (I kinda laugh that I'm trying to embrace this 'life of two' more now as this we are becoming three... typical huh.)