Tuesday, October 05, 2010

More Than a Broken Window

Can everything be replaced?

Here's a post that got me thinking the other day. (The original post is here by Lori, who writes a great blog, though heart-breaking at times.)

It is about 'replacing children', with reference to the biblical book of Job... when you lose a child through pregnancy/miscarriage loss, some will say one way to get over it is to get pregnant again and have your next child... and yes I can understand where that thought would come from, as it probably helps life to keep going, but that does that really solve it? I think it helps you think about something else... But both are separate and different little lives that are special.

In the original post, Lori is thinking through it because she lost her baby last year and here she is pregnant again around the same time of the year, and it is so confusing.

It can be taken to another level too when we consider the whole idea of adoption. I know for me I need to mourn the idea of conceiving, carrying a baby in the womb and a baby that looks like the husband and me as we journey on with adoption. I've already been doing that since I've been on this infertility road- with all my issues, it just isn't always going to be clear, and will be a continual kind of grief, because you never really 'get over it' I don't think.

Hmmm... yes. This is kinda an incomplete thought! (Just thought to share the links for now cos' sometimes I take so long to produce a post and spit it out!)


Grace said...

this is a really interesting and thought-provoking post...i think there will always be grief, and though things may seem to "replace" the initial grief, it's never forgotten.

GMom said...

Grace has said exactly what i was thinking after reading "more than a broken window".... that is such an appropriate title...that can be replaced... but a life??? grief goes on ... i know... i still grieve and wonder all the "what if's"...xoxo

Anna said...

Can they be separate things? I don't know, and guess you really can't know until you're in this situation. But in adopting do you have to do that mourning you wrote about? Does an adoption necessarily mean the end of the dream of your own baby? Or can it just mean joy in this new baby for now and still holding on to hope for another baby one day too? Or is it too hard to have that hope - do you have to grieve, assuming that adoption is the end of the path of trying to conceive? (Maybe this isn't for posting. I'm just trying to get my head around this a bit and maybe have misunderstood too.)

Amel said...

Heya, visiting you via Stirrup Queen's blog list. I've just read some of your latest posts and I can relate to some of them. I've never been pregnant. Just wanna say that it's strange sometimes that I feel like I have to "defend" (or explain) my decisions in front of fertile people 'coz they just don't understand.

And the whole idea of adopting, I also once told a friend that I FELT that I had to let go the wish to have our own kids before I could think of adopting other kids, but I could tell she just didn't understand. Oh well...at least I tried to make her understand.