Saturday, October 29, 2011


(A couple weeks ago I tried to go for a walk around the block with him in the baby bjorn... but he fell asleep!)

(This was me trying to take a passport photo of him. But he was a little too excited so I kept getting these funny expressions. We went to the store to do it haha.)

(This was a recent family pic. Look at his rosy cheeks!)

(So I often find him all over the place in his cot. Here's one...)

(You almost always will find him like this for his afternoon nap.)

(This was us at the Rugby World Cup Final party at my friend C's.)

(Just showin' off my All Black cupcakes. They won they won they won!)

Happy 4 Months!

Yesterday Toby turned four months! Yes four. Already!

I love walking into his room in the morning because he is often chatting to himself and gets all wriggly and excited when he sees me. It is priceless.

He can get very chatty- loud too. It is fun and adorable now, but I wonder if he'll be a chatterbox when he's older. He's his dad's son I guess haha!

We seem to have reached a good spot. He's napping really well and sleeps through in the nights too. I'm soaking it all in before the next 'phase' starts- Solids? Crawling/ movement? etc.

I'm not much off from my pre-pregnancy weight but I can't help but be thinking about it. Maybe it is because summer is coming and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit into shorts with zippers and buttons! So far I have been embracing elastic clothing with arms open wide- pretty much just wearing my maternity clothing.

I am trying to not be too concerned about it but it is often a thought that lingers! Grrrrrrr.

I have to admit. I think a lot about having a second child. I would love for Toby to have a sibling. I was looking on trademe the other day and I found myself wishing I had a need for a double stroller- you know those cool front and back ones.

I don't necessarily want one right now, but I get nervous about the thought that it could be another rocky road to having another, so I get a quite desperate and panicky. It was worse when I just had Toby, but now it seems to have subsided. I feel okay. I feel like I can wait.

I don't know whether we will be able to have a second child but I'm learning to try and enjoy each day I get with Toby as the days do pass by so quickly.

I've also been thinking a lot about contentment. And how infertility stuff revolves around that constant tension of being hopeful yet being content at the same time. A big mystery I tell 'ya.

Toby is a good good boy. I cannot ask for a better baby and I'm so thankful for him.

Gonna post more pics in a next post.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Miscarriage Link

Here's a post about dealing with miscarriage that my friend Steph shared. There are no rules for how to go through it, but is helpful to hear how different people deal with it... some things I connect with in here too... 
The Baby I Never Knew

Friday, October 07, 2011


I am enjoying being a mother. Already with a small baby it can be unrelenting and tiring but it is also just so awesome to have a child. My own live baby. Yikes!

I wondered if this (motherhood) would change the impact infertility has had on me and I'm sure in different ways it has. However, I also feel like it has actually stretched my heart in feeling more for those who are waiting or dealing with not being able to have kids- because being a mother is pretty special. Like I feel more intensely empathetic.

I didn't expect this!

(Oh but don't get me wrong I don't believe it is the 'highest-calling' as some may put it, as serving God is our highest-calling really, but being a mother is a God-given desire and I feel priviledged to be able to be in this role.)

Anyway. That's one of the things I've been thinking. I'm sure I could've made it shorter. ha.

Here are some fun 'comparison shots' of Toby, from when he was a week or two weeks old (left side) to 12-13 weeks. Crazy how fast they grow huh!

Thursday, October 06, 2011


So I'm struggling to bust out blog posts, even though I really want to. I have lots of little thoughts I save up for emails to various people as well as for blog posts for this blog! I even 'owe' blogposts for my work blog. Yikes.

Anyway, saving up thoughts becomes such a problem because I don't have the luxury of time to string them together like I usually would.

As I type this Toby is making unhappy noises from his cot. He's supposed to be having a nap but he's not. Even though I'm fine to leave him for a while, as he's not quite released the hounds yet, it is distracting. I have just boiled some water for a cup of tea, and I've got things on the to-do list. My mind is sort of everywhere.

I guess this is my new life! So I was thinking I'll should really try to form smaller blog posts in my mind. Maybe even just a couple sentences. I want this blog to still be helpful for others on their journey, not just about Toby (as much as he is awesome)...

We'll see. I'll try out my new BLOGLETs idea. (Or should it be postlets?) Hopefully will pump one out soon haha!