Celebrating

(Thank you Ch for the lovely time!)

These last few days we've had American Thanksgiving (joined in with some friends who are like family), it was our seventh wedding anniversary and today it is Toby's 5th month birthday (is that how you say it)!

SO much to celebrate and give thanks for.

Thankful for all the good things in life like food, friends, mom who babysits, cute movies like Arthur Christmas (that's what we watched on our night out haha), groupon-type vouchers (that's what we had for our anniversary meal- wasn't great but we did have three courses which was fun!) and a sweet baby.

I also got to go to a baby shower of a friend who is having a baby after waiting for a time, and having one miscarriage. We got to know each other via our little prayer group at church! It was a special shower and so exciting. It was also neat to know that the prayer support meant so much to her and her family. God does cool things.

Here are some pics.

I love you despite the mo.

Toby today.

Toby the other day looking a little crazy after testing out some pumpkin on him.

Toby's place setting at his Thanksgiving dinner. (Though he spent most of it on the floor trying to roll around...)

Hanging with dad.

10 Quick Things- will I make it?

So yes I'm gonna squeeze in two posts in a go again! (Here's the other one.)

I used to do this thing called  '10 Things at Ten A.M.'...

It is not 10am, and I don't know if I have ten things but here goes:

1. We are moving along into summer and I love it. It is also coming into Christmas which is fab. I'm excited! It will be special to have a Christmas with a baby. Another part of a dream come true really.

2. I've wanted to make an advent calendar for a while now and I'm hoping to get one done but it is about 10 days before the end of November and I haven't started! (If you're on pinterest too let me know!)

3. I have finally transitioned into wearing some clothing with zips and buttons! I've tried on my jeans- I can pull them on but sitting down might cause breathing problems. haha.

4. This coming Saturday (27th) we celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary! Looking forward to a nice dinner and hopefully a movie with the husband. We're thinking to go to one of those with the luxury seats.

5. I watched 'Twilight- Breaking Dawn' the other day- on the first day it was out. Haha. I haven't read the books nor am I an avid fan but I have friends who are and it has just been a fun thing to do that with them. The husband came along too! It was super cool to go out and do that, even if it was just down the road.

6. Toby has a passport! We are planning to travel to Canada and the US next June/July to visit family as he hasn't yet met his Canadian fam.

7. Having a baby means that marriage is different- redefined? It is taking a bit of figuring out. It is tricky being a wife to my husband and a mother to my child, and both at the same time. And yet having needs myself. I don't know if that makes sense. We'll come back to that another day haha.

8. I am thankful for the husband- he is a great help and I love seeing him with Toby.

9. Did I ever share that my friend Ch was at my labour? It rocked having someone there besides the husband and the mid-wife! She was awesome. We even rung her at 1am and she came soon after. Then she had to say for something like another 12 hours! Blessed to have a friend like that.

10. Ah! someone at the door. talk more soon.

It was my mom. She came to say hi to Toby.

Toby - almost 5 months

Toby is 5 months in about a week! Here is an assortment of photos from the past few weeks.

The husband is doing Movember (Yes. Like for real.) so we thought we'd have some fun getting mo's for Toby too. Why not make use of some cuteness to raise money for a good cause (Men's prostate cancer and also mental health awareness)?

This is what happens when you have a mother who loves random ideas and sometimes actually carries them out. (They don't sell Reese's Peanut Butter Cups here in NZ, but we like it when we get it brought over- my sis-in-law gave the husband a t-shirt and  I gathered the rest...)

'She said to keep still.'

We always have smiles for daddy!

We have matching work t-shirts.

Thanks Michelle for my baby toy tool set!

Drying off after a bath... He loves being in the bathroom. (We use the big bath now but I haven't figured out the best way to hold him him slipping and without getting an aching back! He's got a bath seat but is getting too big for it... just gotta hold on til he sits up.)

Oooh Oooh Oooh

(Ok. Still not going strong with the blogging!

ANYWAY.)

I just got told about another NZ-based book about infertility, A Common Thread. Thanks Jill! Finding books written here is so exciting! While doing this, I stumbled onto another NZ blog, Cherished, by Sally who is a mother now via adoption and fertility. As well as Thursday's Babies, a sort of prayer network/ministry started by some ladies here.

Looking forward to looking into these!

Pics!

(A couple weeks ago I tried to go for a walk around the block with him in the baby bjorn... but he fell asleep!)

(This was me trying to take a passport photo of him. But he was a little too excited so I kept getting these funny expressions. We went to the store to do it haha.)

(This was a recent family pic. Look at his rosy cheeks!)

(So I often find him all over the place in his cot. Here's one...)

(You almost always will find him like this for his afternoon nap.)

(This was us at the Rugby World Cup Final party at my friend C's.)

(Just showin' off my All Black cupcakes. They won they won they won!)

Happy 4 Months!

Yesterday Toby turned four months! Yes four. Already!

I love walking into his room in the morning because he is often chatting to himself and gets all wriggly and excited when he sees me. It is priceless.

He can get very chatty- loud too. It is fun and adorable now, but I wonder if he'll be a chatterbox when he's older. He's his dad's son I guess haha!

We seem to have reached a good spot. He's napping really well and sleeps through in the nights too. I'm soaking it all in before the next 'phase' starts- Solids? Crawling/ movement? etc.

I'm not much off from my pre-pregnancy weight but I can't help but be thinking about it. Maybe it is because summer is coming and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit into shorts with zippers and buttons! So far I have been embracing elastic clothing with arms open wide- pretty much just wearing my maternity clothing.

I am trying to not be too concerned about it but it is often a thought that lingers! Grrrrrrr.

I have to admit. I think a lot about having a second child. I would love for Toby to have a sibling. I was looking on trademe the other day and I found myself wishing I had a need for a double stroller- you know those cool front and back ones.

I don't necessarily want one right now, but I get nervous about the thought that it could be another rocky road to having another, so I get a quite desperate and panicky. It was worse when I just had Toby, but now it seems to have subsided. I feel okay. I feel like I can wait.

I don't know whether we will be able to have a second child but I'm learning to try and enjoy each day I get with Toby as the days do pass by so quickly.

I've also been thinking a lot about contentment. And how infertility stuff revolves around that constant tension of being hopeful yet being content at the same time. A big mystery I tell 'ya.

Toby is a good good boy. I cannot ask for a better baby and I'm so thankful for him.

Gonna post more pics in a next post.

Miscarriage Link

Here's a post about dealing with miscarriage that my friend Steph shared. There are no rules for how to go through it, but is helpful to hear how different people deal with it... some things I connect with in here too... 
The Baby I Never Knew

Growing

I am enjoying being a mother. Already with a small baby it can be unrelenting and tiring but it is also just so awesome to have a child. My own live baby. Yikes!

I wondered if this (motherhood) would change the impact infertility has had on me and I'm sure in different ways it has. However, I also feel like it has actually stretched my heart in feeling more for those who are waiting or dealing with not being able to have kids- because being a mother is pretty special. Like I feel more intensely empathetic.

I didn't expect this!

(Oh but don't get me wrong I don't believe it is the 'highest-calling' as some may put it, as serving God is our highest-calling really, but being a mother is a God-given desire and I feel priviledged to be able to be in this role.)

Anyway. That's one of the things I've been thinking. I'm sure I could've made it shorter. ha.

Here are some fun 'comparison shots' of Toby, from when he was a week or two weeks old (left side) to 12-13 weeks. Crazy how fast they grow huh!

Bloglets?

So I'm struggling to bust out blog posts, even though I really want to. I have lots of little thoughts I save up for emails to various people as well as for blog posts for this blog! I even 'owe' blogposts for my work blog. Yikes.

Anyway, saving up thoughts becomes such a problem because I don't have the luxury of time to string them together like I usually would.

As I type this Toby is making unhappy noises from his cot. He's supposed to be having a nap but he's not. Even though I'm fine to leave him for a while, as he's not quite released the hounds yet, it is distracting. I have just boiled some water for a cup of tea, and I've got things on the to-do list. My mind is sort of everywhere.

I guess this is my new life! So I was thinking I'll should really try to form smaller blog posts in my mind. Maybe even just a couple sentences. I want this blog to still be helpful for others on their journey, not just about Toby (as much as he is awesome)...

We'll see. I'll try out my new BLOGLETs idea. (Or should it be postlets?) Hopefully will pump one out soon haha!

3 months

Toby is 12 weeks this week! (Not sure whether to count the weeks or months. If we follow the date, he's 3 months next week.) ANYWAY. He totally rocks the party that rocks the party. Even if I'm sooooo wanting a nice sit down on the couch with a cup of tea. I love him.

Here are pics from the past month...

(She made me wear this!)

(What I look at for a large part of the day...)

(Smiley kiddo!)

(Rugby FEVER!)

(LOVE staring at his little feet...)

(Sometimes we get propped up on the couch haha...)

(Oops supposed to rotate this but oh well... sweet close up.)

(First nail cutting accident. DAD did it.)

(On tummy. He's not a fan... BUT so cute.)

Retreat Idea

A friend of mine who lives in the US went to one of these recently- a retreat for couples who have lost a child after they were born... so glad she and her husband got to go.

I have been thinking that it would be so good to have something like that here too, including other ones for couples who have gone through miscarriage and also those dealing with infertility. I don't think we have any resources like this in NZ... something to pray for!

Oh ya

Saw 
this post 
the other day. On adoption and waiting. Talk more later.

Two Digits!

 Toby is ten whole weeks today. We are doing well. Here are some achievements:
1. Survived 6-week shots- vaccinations. The husband held him, not me- I couldn't watch!

2. We have officially graduated out of newborn clothes and diapers and are ploughing through the 3-mth outfits. Thankful we got given so many clothes as gifts.

3. Toby smiles a lot and "chats", which is really lovely because other than that they don't do much at this age!

4. With some perseverance we've managed to sleep through the night a few times. Praying we can continue! The difference it makes between waking at 4am and waking at 7am is amazing- definitely a nicer mom haha.

5. We've breastfed for 10 weeks! That's like 7 x 7 x 10 = 490 feeds roughly. RIDICULOUS. Though I've had a few rounds of clogged ducts (PAIN) and I really don't like expressing (super frustrating)... Thankful no major issues for now.

Yes it is still surreal that we have a son. And that he's super cute.

/

 (Fell asleep in my car seat waiting for disorganised mom and dad to leave- probably packing my diaper bag.)

 (Big chats with dad while propped up on the couch.)

 (bib-tastic.)

(I don't really like hats...)

(...but mom makes me pose in them anyway!)

Fog

How are you doing out there?

We've made it to 6 weeks. They say you feel like you're stuck in a cloud for about 6 to 8 weeks after having a baby. SO RIGHT.

My main thoughts through the day are:
1. Get out of PJS/When will I have a shower?
2. Which side (boob) did I feed on last?
3. What laundry do we need done next?
4. What time is it?
5. What day is it?
6. Lord, is am I doing this right?
7. Sleep baby, please sleep.

We're doing good overall. I have my days. I've been a bit nervous about 'the blues' and post-natal depression but as far as I know, I'm in the normal realm of mom-hood and I'm thankful for that. (Hopefully will have time to say more another day.)

The little man has already grown to 5.2kgs! He was 3.6kg when he came out. So fast. He's already popping out of newborn stuff, like nappies (diapers) and we're on to the next!

He's also smiling and making some coo-ing sounds, which is very sweet.

(my fave pic at the mo!)

(us, out and about!)

I think about this blog a lot and have so many little things saved up to say. But this will have to be me for now!

Survival...

That seems to be the name of the game at the moment!

We are one month into this mom-hood thing and it is crazy hard. I don't know how you can love a little thing so much and yet I am still feeling very lost! See, my sentences don't even really make sense do they?

Anyway. We've made it to one month so that's worth a big HURRAH! We're also having a Chinese dinner celebration on Saturday as the Chinese are big on the one month milestone.

To be honest, all I am thinking about these days is when to feed, when to change, when to sleep, and if we try and go out- how to feed, how to change and how to sleep. Talking about Toby of course. But pretty much the same questions for myself!

People around me say we are doing well so I'm thankful for that and trying to soak it in... but my brain doesn't always compute and this life is so so new to me! Sadly, waiting four years doesn't mean you'll be better at adjusting to being a mom haha.

In the meantime, Toby is a lovely baby. Growing fast and furiously... while mom is trying to catch up with the hugeness of it all!

Here are some new pics.

(c'mon sleepyhead!)

(nice and snuggly. lovehim lovehim lovehim.)

(he was checking out the mobile then he spotted us...)

(getting weighed haha! he's put on 1kg in 1 month!)

(sometimes we just can't be bothered getting pants on and um matching is not a priority...)

(baby on skype!)