Monday, April 19, 2010

Choose Your Own Adventure?

(Only if I could peek over the stupid hedge!!!)

The husband hasn't been 100% health-wise these last few months (yes... somehow the weeks have turned into months). It has been an interesting ride on another rollercoaster, just when we thought we were already on a rollercoaster with interfility- ha. Thankfully I think we are on the home stretch. I think we are getting somewhere in terms of him feeling better, but we've got to be patient- as we know, the human body doesn't always do what we want when we think it should. Grrrrr. (More waiting, anyone?)

Anyway. I've really missed being with the husband. We do a lot of everyday things together, and when that changes, it really messes with your world. My evenings have been a little different with him going to bed way WAY earlier- so I'm watching TV on my own (so weird), or doing the dishes alone or on the computer. The house is really quiet. Just lonely really, yet I don't really want to be doing anything else because I want to be close by to him. Our social life has also dwindled to pretty much not being able to make any commitments that involve evenings- which really limits our options because generally, people work in the day! I've gone to things alone, when he would usually come with me. Also, things we were thinking of doing or been planning to do have been left undone or half-done.

As a tick-boxer-type personality (actually both of us are in different ways), this has been a new nightmare.

Basically, life is different. Again.

What? It is not like we were really living life in the fast lane. Yet here we are, cutting our capacity down again another few notches. My brain has gone through some rewiring I think- you think I'd be used to this by now, but I'm not.

Whatever it is, we've gained a new insight into those who have way more long-term health issues. I think (and hope) our capacity to empathise has grown. We're learning even what it means to spend time with each other, now that we have even less of it- so even our appreciation for marriage has grown. (I think I've had a small taste of what it would be like to be a widow! It is a scary thing but something I can't take for granted.)

It has also been hard not knowing how to function as the spouse of someone who's not feeling well for an extended amount of time- it is confusing and wearying.  Communication as a married couple when you are both healthy is already hard enough! Definitely doesn't get any better when one of you is down... But we learn new things don't we? Oh God, I hope I am learning.

I'm thankful we are getting some positive news these days and the husband is slowly feeling better. I feel like everyday we are literally clinging to God because we have no idea what each day will bring at the moment. And why should that be a bad thing?

Like the husband says, life is an adventure. And I'm glad for every little bit of it I get to do with him.

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