Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ten (plus one) things at 10PM

I've been wanting to write more about what life is like as a mother. Here's a list of ten.

1. When you have a baby, you are forced to live in the NOW. Someone else said this and I found it so correct. It is a huge brain adjustment!

2. It can get lonely. Not in the socialising sense, but because as the main caregiver, you're the main one your baby needs (and needs a lot) and it is a peculiar thing to experience. You might have a lot in common with other moms but it is still different. I'm not sure how much this makes sense!

3. It is truly hard to think of other things. My brain is full to the brim of things relating to the home or Toby (food, naps, things to do, things to buy, things to plan), and I have to really concentrate (or write a lot of lists) to make sure I'm thinking of the other major things in my life too. Not that we should feel the pressure to be super.

4. But the pressure to be super-woman is there. Some days it feels like you've only done the dishes all day. Or you didn't even take a shower. And you feel like looking after your child was not a good enough achievement, even when you know it is.

5. It is awesome. I have a baby. I have a son. He is growing a tooth at the moment. He is growing up fast!

6. It is a lot of fun learning all the quirks and observing how Toby does new things everyday. It is amazing!

7. Experiencing the 'growing up fast' thing first hand is interesting. There is such a tension wanting your child to grow up yet not wanting them to do that at the same time!

8. I fear sounding greedy but seeing people pregnant starts to get hard again. Or things like talking with new mom friends about how they got pregnant can be painful... because most people don't know what our story was like and I can't expect them to can I!

9. Sadly some days I'm just as critical as I ever was when I see families with a few children. I assume that it has been easier for them than it has been for me. Back to being all about me!

10. Insecurity. With change, my insecurities seem to show up. These past seven months I've noticed that they have. Maybe combined with hormones. Maybe combined with the tiredness. Maybe combined with change in relationships like marriage, etc.

11. On a lighter note, you get to really love some products and things around the home like baby wipes. OH MY. Awesome invention. And cups- stacking cups, coloured cups, plastic cups. Toby loves them so I love them... haha!

Anyway. I know I listed a few things that seem 'negative' but that's not what I intended to do. It is just what's been real for me. I wouldn't change my current situation for anything in the world.

And totally. Feel free to tell me off if I'm taking my mom-hood for granted.


Barbara said...

Perfectly natural feelings. And a good reminder for me when I start feeling nostalgic about the baby days. It's a lot of work and can be very draining...not all hugs and giggles. I will say that I felt a real shift when M turned one. The pace changed and is easier mentally.

Amel said...

I LOVE your honesty.

#2. I think it makes perfect sense. Just like in IF world, you can have a lot in common with other IFers but still it's different. Everybody has his/her own path to take. :-D

#4. Again it's really human to feel this. At least one mother friend of mine has also told me something similar.

#8-10. HUGE HUGS!!!!!!

KiwiChristy said... normal, but so individual as well. Definitely a wonderful and challenging time!! :) Love you.

Stephanie said...

Is there anything pregnant friends can do to avoid making IFers feel sad/weird around them? Can totally see how this would be hard, so would love to know if there are any strategies to avoid making things worse for IFers. Also understand if it's also just "one of those things" that may always be hard, and that there might not be anything that makes it easier.