Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Support Group Thoughts

I've had the privilege of running a small prayer/support group at church for those dealing with infertility and miscarriage baby loss. There's only a few of us and we have been at different stages of the journey, yet God has been very awesome at providing for our different needs through the group. 

As the coordinator-type-person I am thankful that our church is sooo behind this and encouraging. I don't always feel like I know what I'm doing but somehow God does stuff. I treasure all the friendships I am able to have though I also wish we didn't have to have this in common! 

Just wondering what you guys out there think about this. Our group is made up of ladies on different journeys. Primary infertility (battling to get pregnant), secondary infertility (waiting for subsequent child), miscarriage baby loss/ recurrent loss, and of course some are now mothers too. 

I like that we are at different places as we need each other and it is always encouraging to learn from each other's experiences, and it all seems to still be okay since we are small, but I also know it can be painful as eventually some will be waiting and some will have children... What is the best way to handle this? How can I do this well?

I know there are no easy answers. But just thought to hear your ideas or if you have had any experience yourself. 


Amel said...

Hmmm...I don't know how to answer your questions. I also think it's GREAT that your church is so supportive, but maybe you can ask the members of the group itself? Maybe they can give feedback or something? Because I can't thank one friend enough for having asked me directly HOW I'd like to be supported during our TTC when she wasn't sure about the ways that wouldn't hurt me.

Beckie's Infertile said...

I attend a fertility group and we have run into this exact problem. When someone gets pregnant we usually have a shower for them and they naturally stop coming because they no longer need the support with a new baby.

However we have had people come back several years later and is now experiencing secondary infertility. They have never stayed for long.

My opinion is that infertility is infertility however as you progress and have children it changes how you process infertility. They still feel the same grief and loss but it isn’t the exact same as someone who is still struggling with primary infertility.

For me, I would encourage two groups to meet, this would best cater to each of there needs. Primary infertility and secondary infertility are the same, they grieve the same however the person with the child not only has to grieve but also be a mother which changes things.

This is just based on my group and what I would do. Hope this helps.

Beckie's Infertile said...

I hope I didn't sound crass. I just meant that a mom would probably get more from a friendship with someone else who has children and same as a non parent. They just may relate better to one another.

I in no way meant that the feelings about infertility change. I think the same grief and loss exsists no matter where you are and how many children you have.

Infertility just plain sucks all the time.

Sas said...

thanks girls. appreciate it. totally helpful. have asked the girls for their own ideas and i have also had a few other suggestions about somehow splitting the group or treating them separately and i think they are relevant. just hard cos' we are a teeny tiny group right now. anyway. great thoughts for me to consider.